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BUNKOED 
B’ GOSH! 



BY 

Thomas Keefe 























(Copyright, 1920, by Thomas Keefe. All rights reserved, 
eluding foreign rights, and rights of translation.) 


DEC 27 1B20 

©C1A607119 



ThomAs Keefe 
The Drafter 

Who volunteers as Get-To-Gether Secretary 
for everybody, everywhere^ 





Breaking the Ice 


i ' 
fv 

1 

V 

“Truth, by whomsoever spoken, comes from God .”—From the Latin. 


Chapter One 


I We often hear of the average man. We hear 

that the average man is for this, and the average 
man is for that. 

A President, on the high seas, returning from 
Europe with a league of nations treaty, wire¬ 
lesses the National Senate not to discuss the pro¬ 
visions of that treaty until he has had opportun¬ 
ity to explain it to that body. 

It must be that the President deems explana¬ 
tions to that Senate necessary. Certainly, he 
wouldn^t wireless if he didn’t. Either the Presi¬ 
dent considers the treaty complicated, or the Sen¬ 
ate dull. The President has read the treaty; and 
he knows the Senate. So, take your choice. 

A day or two after wirelessing the Senate, the 

I President lands in Boston. And he makes a 

I I speech. In that speech he declares that he be- 

\ lieves that the average man, the man in the street, 

is for the league of nations treaty. So? Well, it 
must be, then, that the average man, the man in 
the street, understands that treaty. 


6 


BUNKOED 5 ’ GOSH 


A man, certainly, can’t be said to be for some¬ 
thing that he doesn’t understand. Or, if he may 
be said to be for something that he doesn’t un¬ 
derstand, of what importance is it that he is for 
it, since he doesn’t understand it? 

No, the average man, the man in the street, 
understands that treaty and is for it. That is 
what the President must mean. And the Presi¬ 
dent knows the average man, too. 

So, we have it: National Senate, a little dull, 
needs explanations; average man, brighter, needs 
no explanations; opinion of the President of the 
United States. 

‘‘Actions speak louder than words,” it is said; 
and the President, fully advised, not only acts but 
speaks. 

Well? Suppose the average man, the man in 
the street, is for the treaty; what of that? What 
has that to do with it? 

Why, there is the further implication, that, if 
the average man is for it, it should be accepted, 
ratified; and that all well understand that. That 
is what the President means. 

And so, we have another conclusion; what the 
average man wants done, should be done. 

Put these two conclusions together, and we 
have; the average man is brighter than the 
National Senate, and, what the average man 
wants done, should be done. 

That being the case, can anyone tell me why 
the average man should not be in the National 
Senate, to ratify the treaty, and to do whatever 




THE AVERAGE MAN 


1 


he wants done? I can tell you why he isn^t there: 
it^s because he is being Bunkoed Gosh! 

I would like to meet that Average Mann. If I 
should meet him I would try to get him oif some 
place where we would be all alone; just he and I. 
If I could do that I would give him a talking to. 
I would talk to him like a Dutch Uncle. 

I would begin by telling him a little story. It ^s 
about a game that was once played up in the north 
country, and not so long ago; one of those games 
known as a bunko game. 

The story goes: One day one of those workers 
in the woods, to whom the name, lumber-jack, is 
applied, drew his wages and went to town. He 
hadnT been long in town before he landed in a 
saloon. 

When he came into that saloon he found there, 
the saloon-keeper, the bartender, and one other, 
a man, who, seated at a table, was engaged in a 
game of solitaire, a traveling salesman, whiling 
away the time until the arrival of his train. 

The lumber-jack refreshed himself, and then, 
being in a playful mood and craving excitement, 
inquired for a game. There was no game. But 
the saloon-keeper, anxious to entertain his cus¬ 
tomer, and, with an eye to sales, offered to match 
coins with the lumber-jack for the drinks. 

His offer was promptly accepted. Each pro¬ 
duced a silver dollar and they proceeded to match. 

Now, the game of matching coins is played in 
this way: One takes the even side, and the other 
takes the odd side. Each lays down a coin, con¬ 
cealed by the hand. The hands are then removed. 






8 


BUNKOED GOSH 


If the coins show the same side up, the even man 
wins; otherwise the odd man wins. 

The game is absolutely fair, since chances are 
absolutely equal. 

This game between the lumber-jack and the 
saloon-keeper went on for a little while, but was 
soon changed to matching coins for the dollar 
instead of the drinks. And, it was not long be¬ 
fore the bartender took a hand, thus making it a 
three-handed game. 

In a three-handed game it is the odd man who 
wins. And that game is absolutely fair, since 
chances are absolutely equal. 

The three-handed game then continued for some 
little time and with no marked change in the for¬ 
tunes of those engaged. 

Soon, however, the saloon-keeper excused him¬ 
self for a moment and retired to an adjoining 
room, and shortly, he called the bartender to him 
on some pretext or another. They exchanged a 
few words, and the bartender returned, followed 
in a moment by the saloon-keeper; and the three- 
handed game was resumed. 

But, remarkable as it may seem, the resumption 
of play was followed by a disastrous change in the 
fortunes of the lumber-jack. 

Thereafter, as often as he laid down a dollar, he 
lost it. And it didnT make a bit of difference 
which side of the coin he laid down; either the bar¬ 
tender or the saloon-keeper was always odd, and 
took the money. 

The play continued until the lumber-jack had 
lost all his money. The saloon-keeper then 




A BUNKOED LUMBER-JACK 9 


treated the drinks, and the lumber-jack drifted 
out. 

The salesman arose and followed him out. He 
overtook the lumber-jack, and led him around the 
corner where they were all alone. There he talked 
to him for a long while. 

He told that lumber-jack just what had been 
done to him. He told him that, when the saloon¬ 
keeper and the bartender were in that side room, 
they had come to an agreement, formed a plan, 
whereby it was arranged that one of them should 
always lay the coin down with a certain side up, 
and the other with the opposite side up, so that, 
thereafter, no matter which side of the coin the 
lumber-jack laid up, he was always matched, never 
odd, and therefore always losing, never winning. 
The lumber-jack had been Bunkoed Gosh! 

Having told the lumber-jack of the trick that 
had been played upon him, the salesman did not 
stop; but he went on and told that lumber-jack 
how, if he ever engaged in a three-handed game of 
matching again, he could avoid all danger of being 
so cheated again. 

He told that lumber-jack, that in a three- 
handed game, he must always insist that the 
coins be, not laid down, but tossed into the air 
and allowed to fall upon the floor, so that it will be 
a matter of chance as to which side of one^s coin 
shall be up. 

The lumber-jack, his face bearing an expres¬ 
sion, a mixture of suspicion, insolence, and 
puzzlement, listened to all the salesman had to 
say. But when the latter was through, the lumber¬ 
jack only gave him one long, searching look, 





10 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


turned upon his heel, and walked away, without 
a word. Nothing in his manner nor in his actions 
indicated whether he refused to believe, doubted, 
understood, or had determined to think the mat¬ 
ter over. 

The lumber-jack went back to work and soon 
had earned some more wages, which he drew and 
went to town again, bringing up in the same 
saloon. The same bartender and the same saloon¬ 
keeper were present, and it was not long before 
the three-handed game of matching coins was pro¬ 
posed. The lumber-jack accepted. But this time 
he insisted that each man toss his coin into the air 
and let it fall upon the floor. Either the idea had 
sifted through, or the lumber-jack had deter¬ 
mined to play the game in a way that he knew to 
be fair. 

After telling this story to Average Mann, I 
would ask him what he would do if he were to 
match coins with that bartender and that saloon¬ 
keeper: whether he w^ould allow them to lay the 
coins or would insist that they be tossed into the 
air? 

And I have faith enough in the intelligence of 
Average Mann to believe that Average Mann 
would reply that he would insist that the coins be 
tossed into the air. 

Upon his so replying, I would say to him, 
‘‘Well now. Average Mann, I want to show you 
that you are the victim of a plan arranged for the 
express purpose of depriving you of every chance, 
and which does in fact deprive you of every 
chance, just as the plan arranged between the 





PRELIMINARY 


11 


saloon-keeper and the bartender deprived the 
lumber-jack of every chance to win. 

To make it clear to you may require more 
words than were required by the salesman to show 
the lumber-jack, but if you will lay aside all your 
prejudices, and consider points as I shall raise 
them, with such reasonable open-mindedness as 
one should exercise toward another who seeks 
only to show that other where he is being cheated, 
I think that, when I am through, you will see 
clearly that you are now being, and have always 
been, as thoroughly bunkoed as was that lumber¬ 
jack: or, if I should fail to convince you that you 
are being bunkoed, that at least, I will have raised 
such a reasonable doubt in your mind, such sus¬ 
picion, that you will conclude to insist, that the 
game you are engaged in, be played in a way that 
you know to be fair. 

What I wish to show you has to do with you and 
your government, and your relation to that gov¬ 
ernment. Now, there are men who will prick up 
their ears at any new proposition for making 
money, who will listen attentively to any new 
proposition in regard to their business, but who 
will turn a deaf ear at once when the word gov¬ 
ernment is mentioned. 

Such men are of two classes: first, those who 
know very well that there are many wrongs in the 
government, but who also know very well that 
they do not lose because of those wrongs, but gain 
because of them; and, second, those who know 
that the wrongs are there and that they suffer 
from them, but who long ago have given up in 
despair of ever having them righted. 




12 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


Those of the first class are as uninterested in 
new ideas of government as the saloon-keeper and 
the bartender would have been in tossing the 
coins, if the salesman, during the course of the 
game, had proposed it. They are satisfied as it is, 
thank you I 

Those of the second class, those who give up in 
despair of ever having wrongs righted, may be 
compared to a child, who, wishing some water, 
attempts to carry it in a sieve, and, on failing each 
time, gives up, and decides there is no way in 
which water may be carried. 

You, Average Mann, do not belong to the first 
class, I know, for you are not getting what you 
are entitled to. And, I am pretty sure, you do 
not belong to the second class, for, I have been 
watching your attempts at making things right, 
and, I believe that you know of the wrongs and are 
searching for a remedy, looking for a way to right 
them. And while I have been watching your at¬ 
tempts, Average, and noting your repeated fail¬ 
ures, I have come to the conclusion that you, like 
the child attempting to carry water in a sieve, are 
using the wrong means to accomplish your end; 
you are going at it the wrong way; you know there 
is something the matter, but you do not seem to 
realize just where the trouble lies. 

So, Average, I hope that you will attend care¬ 
fully while I explain to you the Greatest Bunko 
Game On Earth. 








The Greatest Bunko Game on Earth 


**Be not so bigoted to any custom as to worship at the expense 
of truth** —Zimmerman. 


Chaptee Two 


And let me say at the beginning that I shall 
not attempt to have you discard any political prin¬ 
ciples that you now hold. Whatever political 
principles you hold are yours, and you have a 
right to them. It matters not, whether you are 
prohibitionist, or wet, socialist, or single-taxer, 
nonpartisan leaguer, or farmer-labor man, repub¬ 
lican, or democrat; you may keep right on being 
just what you are, and yet, agree with the views 
that I hold. What I shall propose to you is only 
another way of settling the same issues, another 
way of getting at and finding out the majority 
opinion. 

Take the case of the lumber-jack again. When 
the three-handed game was being played, the issue 
was, who should get the money. And that issue 
was settled by laying the coins, and that manner 
of settling the issue was fair until the saloon¬ 
keeper and the bartender organized against the 
lumber-jack, and so deprived him of every chance 
to win. 

Now, when the salesman talked to the lumber¬ 
jack he didnT preach to him the wrong in gam- 


14 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


bling. He didn’t try to convert the lumber-jack 
to another principle. He only explained to the 
lumber-jack, how, if he wished to match coins 
three-handed again, he should insist it be done so 
that there would be no danger of his being 
cheated. In other words, he showed the lumber¬ 
jack another way of settling the same issue, and a 
safer and better way. And that is all that I wish 
to do with you. Average; show you a ditferent, a 
better, and safer way of settling the same issues. 

Now, you. Average, are engaged in a sort of 
game, a venture, a venture called government. 
Government is organized to establish justice be¬ 
tween man and man, between groups of men and 
other groups of men; to see that all get a fair 
deal. That is the great purpose of government. 

But, we see the farmers organizing, the labor¬ 
ing men organizing, the bankers organizing, and 
numerous other classes organizing, according to 
their interests. Inquire of any of them why they 
are organizing, and you will be told that it is to 
get their rights, to protect their interests, to get a 
fair and square deal, justice. A government was 
organized to establish justice. Then other organ¬ 
izations are formed to fight that government for 
justice, to get it to go to work and establish jus¬ 
tice. 

Now, Average, if you employed a servant to 
work for you, you would expect that servant to 
go to work with a good will, and do willingly, 
what he was employed to do, wouldn’t you? If 
you had to stand right over that servant and 
watch him every minute, and prompt him, and 
prod him on to do just what you had employed 







GOVERNMEISTS 


15 


him to do, you would consider him a very poor 
servant, wouldn^t you? 

Well, Average, that is just the way your gov¬ 
ernment works at establishing justice. It doesn’t 
w^ork at the job at all unless those who suffer in¬ 
justice, organize, and spend a lot of time and 
money, prompting it, and proding it on to do 
just what it was organized to do. Surely, there 
is something wrong about that government. It 
doesn’t work willingly and freely at the job. And 
such a vast sum is paid for the purpose of govern¬ 
ment! It will cost sixty dollars for each man, 
woman and child in the nation, this year, for the 
national government, only! 

A just government. Average, a successful gov¬ 
ernment, one that performs its duty, freely and 
willingly, will be on the job all the time, and when¬ 
ever and wherever it sees injustice, it will at once 
take steps to remove it. It will not wait until 
those who are suffering from that injustice, or¬ 
ganize, and prod it. It will be looking round for 
injustice, ever ready to pounce upon it and over¬ 
come it, as a cat looks for a mouse. And it will 
know about injustice as soon as they who suffer 
from it know about it. It will see injustice threat¬ 
ening, and will take steps necessary to ward it off. 

For instance. Average, your government knows 
that, whenever it goes to war, the cost of living 
will go up. And it knows why that is, and what 
to do to prevent it. But when the cost of living 
went up your government took thousands of dol¬ 
lars of your money to investigate why it went 
up—bluff investigations to fool you. And it has 
taken no steps whatever to prevent a repetition of 




16 


BUNKOED GOSH 


the same thing in case of another war. The right 
kind of a government wouldnT act that way, 
Average. 

The people organized a government to establish 
justice, fairness. It is because that government 
doesn’t do that which it was organized to do, be¬ 
cause it doesn’t establish justice, doesn’t establish 
fairness, freely and willingly, that other organ¬ 
izations must form to prod it. 

A government will establish justice, fairness, 
only if it is just and fair itself. And a govern¬ 
ment will be just and fair only when the method 
of getting the government is just and fair. No 
fair government can ever be built upon the foun¬ 
dation of an unfair method of getting the gov¬ 
ernment. 

It is because the foundation, the method of get¬ 
ting the government is unfair, that our govern¬ 
ment is unfair. Average. And, because of the 
unfairness in the method of getting the govern¬ 
ment, men who pay taxes to support that govern¬ 
ment, are compelled to pay other money to other 
organizations, formed for the purpose of fighting 
that government for justice. 

That is much like hiring a man to do certain 
work for you, and then, because he won’t do it, 
doing it yourself, but yet, paying him as though 
he were doing it. 

Government may be likened to a game. Aver¬ 
age. And that being the case, I want to show 
you how you are being cheated as the game is now 
played. I want to show you how the method of 
getting the government is unfair to you. I want 
to show you that you are being deprived, to your 







DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE 


17 


great injury, of your rightful chance of being in 
the government, and so, being in a position to 
protect your owui interests. 

And after I have done that, I propose to show 
you, just as the salesman showed the lumber-jack, 
how you may continue at the game of government 
atid have it absolutely fair to you and to every 
other man; so that each will have his equal chance. 
I shall show you the proper method to use to get a 
fair government, the fair way, the only way to 
get a fair government; that is all. 

Average, you have read the Declaration of In¬ 
dependence, of course! And you remember the 
declaration, ‘ ^ All men are created equal ^ ^! 

Now, by that declaration it wasn’t meant that all 
men really are equal in all respects. But it did 
mean that all were to be treated as equals, were 
to he treated equally by the government, and were 
to enjoy an equal share of the good of govern¬ 
ment, as well as bear an equal share of the burden 
of government. That is no more than fair, that is 
justice. 

Now, that Declaration of Independence, Aver¬ 
age, corresponds to the agreement made by the 
three men who were to match coins. 

The rules of the game of matching coins were 
known to all wdien the game began, and it was 
impliedly declared, understood, that each should 
be equal in the game, that is, each should have an 
equal chance to win or lose, should be treated 
equally. That, too, was fair. But, Average, the 
whole effect of that declaration was changed by 
the plan adopted by the saloon-keeper and the 
bartender. 




18 


BUNKOED W GOSH 


Again, after tlie Declaration of Independence, 
came the Constitution, which is only another plan, 
a plan of government. And that Constitution 
actually annuls the etfect of the declaration that 
all men are created equal. 

Before the Constitution was adopted, and under 
that Declaration of Independence, there could 
have been no question. Average, that you were 
entitled to be treated as an equal, and were en¬ 
titled to an equal voice in making the laws. 

One great partnership was declared, and it was 
declared that each was to have an equal share in 
the government. And, if all the people should 
meet to make the laws, you would be in the meet¬ 
ing, with a voice equal to that of the best. And 
if all the people should attempt to meet, and it 
should be found that all couldn’t get into the 
meeting place, you. Average, would, certainly, be 
entitled to an equal chance to get in. If admis¬ 
sion were by card you would be entitled to a card 
as well as any one else. That is what the Declara¬ 
tion of Independence means, or it means nothing. 

But the plan was made afterward. The Consti¬ 
tution was adopted afterward. And then? Why, 
it was provided that the lawmakers should be 
chosen by election. And, Average, what is the 
purpose of election? Isn’t it to get Best Mann 
to make the laws? Certainly it is. 

So then, your Constitution implies that some 
are better than others, doesn’t it? And we have 
the conflict: the Declaration of Independence de¬ 
claring all men equal, and the Constitution im¬ 
pliedly declaring that some are better than others. 




THE CONSTITUTION 


19 


And you, Average Mann, you are not Best Mann 
and you never will be. So, isn’t the plan which 
provides for the election of lawmakers, a plan 
which excludes you, which forever takes from you 
the chance you had of going into the meeting 
where the laws are to be made? Doesn’t that 
Constitution take from you, all voice, and all 
chance of ever having a voice in making the laws? 
Doesn’t it occur to you, Average Mann, that that 
Constitution, in that respect, is very much like 
the plan that the saloon-keeper and the bartender 
adopted, to take from the lumber-jack his share 
of the chances to win? 

It was decided to choose lawmakers, Average, 
because it was realized that all the people couldn’t 
get into the meeting place. There were too many 
entitled to go in. And so, it was determined to 
choose a convenient number from those who were 
entitled to go in. That is fair, if the method of 
choosing is fair. It was determined to elect 
them. And that. Average, is where you were 
Bunkoed B ’ Gosh! 

Election is an implied agreement that only Best 
Mann shall go in to make the laws. You, Average, 
will never go in to make the laws. That is the 
effect of that agreement. 

I’ll carry the comparison between the plan 
adopted by the saloon-keeper and the bartender, 
and the plan of government adopted, still further. 
When the saloon-keeper and the bartender 
adopted their plan the lumber-jack wasn’t present. 
If he had been of course the plan never would 
have been adopted. And you. Average, you were 
not present when that Constitution, that other 




20 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


plan, was adopted. If you had been it never 
would have been adopted. 

That Constitution was made by Best Mann, 
elected because he was Best Mann. And it was 
ratified for the states by Best Mann, again. Aver¬ 
age Mann never had anything whatever to say 
about it. And all men were created equal! 

So, you see. Average, your situation under that 
Constitution is very similar to that of the lumber¬ 
jack after the saloon-keeper and bartender had 
organized. The lumber-jack wasnT present when 
the plan was adopted which deprived him of every 
chance to win; and you were not present when the 
plan was adopted which deprived you of every 
chance to win, to go to the lawmaking body, to 
ever have a chance in making the laws under 
which you are to live, to have your share in the 
government, that government that is to treat all 
alike and is to establish justice, willingly and 
freely. 

You ought to see. Average, that surely, some¬ 
thing is going to be done to you in there that you 
will not like, or Best Mann wouldn’t be so careful 
to keep you out. When the boys all go inside and 
slam the door in your face, when you start to go 
in, you may be pretty sure. Average, they are 
going to discuss something more in there than 
how to give you a square deal. 

Notice, Average, I mention only lawmakers. 
That is because we are governed by laws, and 
no matter what body makes the laws, call it board, 
congress, legislature, assembly, or council, it is the 
government, and the whole of the government. 





A FRAUD 21 


As the intellect .governs the hnman body, so the 
lawmaking body governs the political body. And 
as the wishes of the intellect, the government of 
the human body, are transferred into acts by 
agencies, which are servants of the intellect, but 
no part of it; so the wishes of the lawmaking body, 
the government of the political body, are trans¬ 
ferred into acts by agencies, men, who are serv¬ 
ants of the government, but no part of it, only 
officers. The government does as it sees fit: the 
servants, the officers, what they are ordered to do. 

Now, Average, when the salesman first ex¬ 
plained to the lumber-jack the fraud that had been 
done to him, the latter was puzzled, and perhaps 
he didnT see clearly right away. But it came to 
him. 

So, with you, what I have been trying to ex|&in 
to you may seem like a play with words, a trick, 
a specious argument. But I assu-re you it is not. 
You are being defrauded, just as surely as was 
the lumber-jack, and I ask, in justice to yourself, 
that you pay attention to me, hear what I have to 
say, and consider the whole matter at your leisure. 
For, I have implicit confidence that it will all 
come clear to you. 

I tell you. Average, getting a government by 
election, electing lawmakers, is, both in theory 
and in practice, a fraud upon you, just as unfair, 
just as palpably a fraud, as the fraud that was 
practiced upon the lumber-jack, and that the re¬ 
sult has been equally disastrous to you. 

The plan that was adopted by the saloon¬ 
keeper and the bartender took from the lumber¬ 
jack every chance to win, and as a consequence, 





22 


BUNKOED GOSH 


he lost all his money. That other plan, the Con¬ 
stitution took from you every chance to have a 
voice in your own government, and with it, as a 
consequence, it has taken from you about every¬ 
thing else that belonged to you, and the taking 
still goes on. 

Choosing lawmakers by election is unfair to 
you. Average Mann, because election excludes 
you. Election virtually says, ‘‘Average Mann, 
you never can come in here. ^ ^ And yet, in there, 
is where the laws are being made, where the gov¬ 
ernment is being conducted, which is to treat you 
fairly, and in which you should have your share. 

Those laws are presumed to suit you. Average, 
to be what you want. Best Mann admits that they 
should be what you want, and asserts that he is 
trying hard to make what you want, trying, oh! 
so hard! And yet, he won’t let you in to make 
them yourself. Average, you’re Bunkoed B’ 
Gosh! 

Self-determination? You, going round the 
world fighting for self-determination for others? 
Why, Average, you haven’t even self-determina¬ 
tion for yourself. The plan of government pro¬ 
vides that you are to be ruled, absolutely, auto¬ 
cratically, and forever, by Best Mann. 

You think you have a voice in the government? 
You vote? Yes, you do vote. Average, in the elec¬ 
tion booth. But is there any governing ever done 
in the election booth? Are any laws ever made 
there? Not a one. What good is your voice to 
you if it never can be heard where the laws are 
being made? In the government? You vote on 




THE DEVICE 23 


constitutional amendments only after Best Mann 
says they are agreeable to him, not before. 

And you have an equal vote? Yes, Average, 
you do, in the election booth. That far equality 
was pursued, just far enough to take it away from 
you, forever. 

Doesn’t it strike you as being a little odd that 
you should have as much to say in the election 
booth as Best Mann has? Doesn’t it seem to you, 
that, if it is necessary to have only Best Mann to 
make the laws, that Constitution was a little reck¬ 
less when it arranged so that you could match 
Best Mann’s vote in the election booth, and thus 
offset it? 

You have as much to say in the election booth as 
Best Mann has, but after that he does all the rest 
of the saying, while you do all the rest of the kick¬ 
ing. Where saying counts he does the saying, all 
of it. Where saying amounts to nothing, you have 
as much to say as he has. 

That, Average, is because election is only a 
device to make it seem to you that you have an 
equal share in the government, while at the same 
time that device is working, like a cream separa¬ 
tor, to separate you from that share forever. 

First, you are given an equal share, ^^All men 
are created equal.” And then, immediately, you 
are pushed into a game devised for no other pur¬ 
pose than to take that same share away from you 
forever, and it never fails. 

Suppose the bartender and the saloon-keeper, 
after the lumber-jack had lost all his money, had 
staked him, and all the money had been divided 
up equally between the three, so that the game 





24 


BUNKOED GOSH 


might go on again. They would have given the 
luniber-jack his share, and then, taken it away 
from him again, immediately, at the game. That 
would have been very cheap generosity on the 
part of those two, wouldn’t it. Average? Well, 
Average, that is the way you were staked; staked, 
then pushed into a game devised for no other 
purpose than to take that same stake away from 
you, and which did at once take it away from you, 
forever. 

It certainly didn’t cost Best Mann much to 
make that declaration, ‘‘All men are created 
equal,” now, did it. Average? And it certainly 
didn’t make much difference to you, did it. Aver¬ 
age? 

Oh! You can’t see that you haven’t a share in 
the government? 

Well, now, tell me this. Average: Did you have 
any share in declaring the war? Did you have 
any chance at ail to go to the Congress that did 
declare that war? Did you have anything to say 
about whether there should or should not be war, 
in your election booth? Could you in any manner 
indicate your wishes in regard to the war, in the 
election booth? Certainly, you couldn’t. That 
Best Mann, in congress, told you that you wanted 
war, that it was good for you; and you got it; 
and you’ll have to pay for it. 

And prohibition. What did you have to say. 
Average, about that eighteenth amendment? You 
had not a word to say. You got it because it was 
good for Best Mann: he said it was good for you, 
that you wanted it, and you got it. 

Remember, please. Average, that we are not 











NO VOICE 


25 


discussing whether the war was, or was not advis¬ 
able. Neither are we discussing whether prohibi¬ 
tion was, or was not advisable. Nor, are we dis¬ 
cussing whether you were in favor of both, or 
either. The point, that I wish to drive home to 
you, is, that you got both, whether you wanted 
them or not; and that, since you had nothing what¬ 
ever to say about either, you haven T self-govern¬ 
ment. 

Since you didn’t have anything to say, and 
didn’t have any chance to have anything to say, 
about such important matters as war and prohibi¬ 
tion, certainly, you must see that you haven’t any 
voice in regard to anything else that is really im¬ 
portant, no voice whatever in the government, in 
reality; and, more than that, absolutely not the 
ghost of a chance of ever having a voice, so long 
as that Constitution provides that lawmakers shall 
be elected; for election is to keep you out. 

Election doesn’t treat all men equally. Average. 
It is no more suited to allowing you a voice in 
your own government than is a sieve to carrying 
water. It is for just the opposite purpose— 
to deprive you of your equality in the government, 
of your voice in the government. And it does. 
It is a perfect contrivance. 

Men make burglar proof vaults to keep burglars 
out, but they sometimes get in. The men who 
framed the plan of electing lawmakers, framed it 
to keep you out. Average, and it works perfectly, 
never fails. You never get in. 

Election of lawmakers is as unfair to you. Aver¬ 
age, as slavery was to the black man. In slavery 
the black man had no chance, was deprived of 




26 _ BUNKOED B’ GOSH _ 

every chance; in election of lawmakers yon have 
no chance, are deprived of every chance. 

If there were no law, no gwernment, you would 
have as much right as every other man, naturally. 

You have, naturally, just as much right to say 
what the laws shall be as any one else, Average. 
That Declaration of Independence merely affirms 
a natural right. Average. And it seems to me. 
Average, that you should see that that Constitu¬ 
tion or plan of government, which provides for 
getting a lawmaking body by election, deprives 
you of a natural right, as well as a declared right, 
the right of being treated as though all men were 
created equal, the right of having an equal share 
in your own government, or to have an equal 
chance to have an equal share. 

That Constitution is as far from the Declaration 
of Independence, as the Treaty of Versailles is 
from the Fourteen Points, as a politician's per¬ 
formance generally is from his promise, as prac¬ 
tice generally is from preaching. 

That Declaration of Independence was a prom¬ 
ise, a promise made to Average Mann, that all 
men should be treated as equals. It was very like 
the Fourteen Points. 

The Declaration of Independence and the Four¬ 
teen Points were each promulgated while a war 
was going on, and each was a promise of what 
should happen when that war would be won, a 
promise made to Average Mann, to spur him on, 
so that he would willingly do the task to be done, 
bear the burden to be borne. And, like all other 
promises that Best Mann has been making Avc r • 









THE PROMISE BREAKER 


27 


age Mann, they were not kept when the campaign 
was over. 

Best Mann is an habitual promise breaker, 
Average Mann. Thieves of the underworld keex) 
their word with one another better than Best 
Mann keeps his word with you, Average Mann. 
He seems to have no regard whatever for his word 
given to you. Average Mann. And a man wlio 
hasn’t any regard for his word isn’t better than 
you, Average. He is no man at all. 

Average, if there was in your neighborhood a 
man who so regularly broke his promises, as Best 
Mann breaks his promises to you, who was in the 
habit of lying to and deceiving his neighbors, as 
Best Mann is in the habit of lying to and deceiving 
you, who was as careless with everything en¬ 
trusted to his care, as Best Mann is with every¬ 
thing of yours that is entrusted to his care, no¬ 
body would neighbor with that man. He wouldn’t 
have a friend in the neighborhood. He would be 
known as a low-down, disreputable cuss, and he 
couldn’t be elected dog-catcher in his own town. 
And that is the kind of man election places over 
you to rule you. Average Mann; to act as your 
guardian! 

And so. Average, the first promise made you 
was broken, soon broken, the promise implied in 
the declaration, ‘^AU men are created equal.” 
And you lost your share in the government. 

How about your share of the burden? Does 
that separator. Election, operate on burdens, too? 
Did it also separate you from your share in the 
burden of government? Let us see. 





28 


BUNKOED GOSH 


What man declared for war! Best Mann. Who 
fought it! Average Mann. Who made a profit 
out of it! Best Mann. Who will pay for it! 
Average Mann. To whom will it be paid! Best 
Mann. Whose wealth was decreased by the war! 
Average Mann’s. Whose was increased! Best 
Mann’s. And who prays for the end of all war! 
Average Mann. And to whom is entrusted the 
task of making an end of all war! Best Mann. 

Oh! Average! Average! you bear all the bur¬ 
dens, and you are not in position to relieve your 
self of any. Don’t only pray. Pray and think. 
Don’t let them lay the coins down: make them 
toss them into the air. 

Average, you remember, don’t you, the evening 
you went down to the opera house to hear that 
candidate for congress, during the campaign! 
Yes! Well, he said a lot of things, didn’t he! 

And now, I ’ll leave it to you. Average, if it isn’t 
a fact, that, when you simmer that whole speech 
right down, what that candidate was trying to put 
over, the idea that he was really trying to convey 
to your mind, was, that if you would vote for him 
to go to congress, and he got there, he would vote 
as you would vote if you were there! Certainly, 
he didn’t tell you that he would use his own judg¬ 
ment and vote as he saw fit. And he wasn’t trying 
to convey to your mind the idea that he would 
vote opposite to the way you would vote, if you 
were there. 

No. He would vote the way you would vote, if 
you were there, so that the voting would be done 
by him for you, just as though, you were there 





THE JOKER 


29 


yourself to do it. That is what he would have 
you believe. 

Now, Average, canT you see the joker in that? 
What^s the matter with you? CanT you answer, 
yes, or no, when your name is called? Couldn’t 
you sit in a seat in congress, and, when the roll 
is called for a vote on war, prohibition, tariff, 
railroad rates, or a peace treaty; couldn’t you 
answer, yes, or no, as suited yourself? 

Of course, you could. And if you did do that, 
it would be just the same as if that candidate were 
there to vote for you, instead, wouldn’t it, if he 
kept his promise? Of course it would. 

Then, can you tell me why he wants to vote in 
your place, for you, so badly? And can you give 
me any reason w^hy you should continue to let 
him do so ? Average, you ought to see that if you 
let that man go and vote for you, in your place, 
you’ll be Bunkoed B’ Gosh! 

When you were drafted to go over and fight for 
self-determination of all nations—except such as 
our allies might wish to exploit, as colonies, under 
the new name of mandatories—there wasn’t then, 
any candidate around trying to get you to give 
up your place to him, was there. Average? 

Come out of it. Average. You’re entitled to an 
equal share in the rights as well as equal share in 
the fights. 

You know about that selective conscription law, 
the draft, don’t you? You were in it? Well, you 
have heard how very fair it was then. 

What was there so very fair about it, anyway? 
Why every man had to take his chance, at least, 
on the face of things. 




30 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


Now, if it is very fair that every man be com¬ 
pelled to take his chance when the bitter is being 
passed, doesn't it seem that every man should 
have his chance when the sweets are being passed? 
Demand it. Average, and don't talk about any¬ 
thing else until you get it. 

And you know. Average, how it has been said 
that selective conscription worked, too, don't you? 
And working that way, it was only election, run¬ 
ning backwards, Average: a game of ^^Get out, if 
you can," while election is a game of ‘^Get in, if 
you can." 

And that is why the one got you. Average, so 
quickly, while the other never will. That's why 
you got to France, all right, but will never get to 
congress. And that is why the American people 
was represented, in France, by an army of men, 
who were, some black, some white, on the outside, 
but only on the outside. And that is why the 
American people is represented in congress by 
men all white, on the outside, at least. 

Now, Average Mann, you know that is the truth, 
and being the truth, you know that, either in 
France, or in congress, the American people was 
misrepresented, falsely represented. 

A picture that looks like you. Average, repre¬ 
sents you. And a picture that doesn't look like 
you, doesn't represent you. But a picture that 
purports to look like you and doesn't, misrepre¬ 
sents you, falsely represents you. 

That being so. Average, you know that the 
American people was represented in France, truly 
represented; and that the American people is now, 





REPRESENTATION 


31 


and has always been, misrepresented, falsely rep¬ 
resented in congress. 

Election mnst, and always does, result in false 
representation. False representation is not 
resorted to for a good purpose, but only for the 
purpose of deceiving someone to bis injury, and 
it is you. Average Mann, who is being deceived 
to your injury by that kind of representation in 
congress. 

The only true representation of a large mass 
of units is a smaller mass, taken in such a way, 
that the smaller mass differs from the larger only 
in the number of the individuals in it, a sample. 
So, true representation for the people must be a 
body in the nature of a sample of the people, and 
may only be obtained as samples of other masses 
are obtained, never by picking and choosing. 

If your neighbor. Average, desiring to sell you 
some of his potatoes, should pick out some of the 
best and bring them to you for a sample, and 
you should buy of him, relying upon that sample, 
you would be very much disappointed, when he 
came to deliver the potatoes, wouldnff you! Per¬ 
haps, you would claim misrepresentation. Then 
why should you consent to misrepresentation in 
congress? You are never satisfied with it. 

And now. Average, who, would you say, rules? 
Best Mann? No. No. 

Average, I venture to state that you do not 
know your United States Senators, nor your mem¬ 
ber of Congress, that is, to know them. You are 
not even acquainted with them; and you wouldnT 
recognize them if you should meet them on the 
road. Perhaps you have seen their pictures, but 




32 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


all that you think you know about them, is merely 
hearsay. You know them by reputation; that is 
all. 

So then, we arrive at the point that elec¬ 
tion for the purpose of getting Best Mann to make 
the laws, results only in getting Reputed Best 
Mann, the man with the reputation of being Best 
Mann. , 

Reputation is largely a matter of advertising. 
Average. Best Advertised Mann becomes Re¬ 
puted Best Mann. Election brings Best Adver¬ 
tised Mann to make the laws. 

It costs money to advertise. Average, as you 
well know, and a new element comes into election, 
money. Rich Mann has that. Also, Rich Mann 
owns, or controls, in one way or another, nearly all 
the great daily newspapers, and nearly all the 
great weekly and monthly magazines. And Rich 
Mann owns the great news gathering agencies, 
and the means of transmitting news, the telegraph 
and cables. 

Having, thus, practically, a monopoly of the 
means of publicity, it is within the power of Rich 
Mann to make, and unmake, reputations. He can 
give a man a good reputation, and he can take it 
away from him. 

Rich Mann advertises his friends as being good 
men, just as you and I advertise our friends as 
being good men. And Rich Mann, at least, does 
not advertise his enemies as being good men, but 
rather as being fools, idealists, radicals, grafters, 
or, worse yet, traitors. 

You, Average, you read what Rich Mann wishes 
you to read, and you are influenced thereby. When 




REPUTED BEST MANN 


33 


election conies round the man with the good repu¬ 
tation runs for congress, and you, Average Mann, 
you have seen his name, he is so well advertised 
to you, that you say, ‘'I know that man and I 
believe he is a good man. ^ ^ To congress he goes. 

He is Rich Mann’s creature. Rich Mann made 
him and he can easily unmake him. 

That congressman dare not take your side, 
Average, if Rich Mann opposes, even though he 
may know Rich Mann is in the wrong. That con¬ 
gressman votes in accordance with the wishes of 
Rich Mann. And you are depending upon him to 
protect you from Rich Mann! 

Such may not be true in every instance. Aver¬ 
age, but it is true in the majority of cases, and 
congress speaks through a majority. 

Average, I will show you that what I say about 
advertising is true: The greater the number of 
people in a government, and the more extensive 
the territory governed, the greater is the power of 
publicity, for the more you must rely upon pub¬ 
licity only. And the less the number of people in 
a government, and the less extensive the territory 
governed, the less is the power of publicity, for 
the less do you rely upon publicity, only. 

And your national government is far more un¬ 
satisfactory to you, than is your village govern¬ 
ment ; your state government is far more unsatis¬ 
factory to you, than is your township govern¬ 
ment ; and, your large city government is far more 
unsatisfactory to you, than is your small city gov¬ 
ernment. 

The more you really know about the men you 
vote for, the better government you get. The 




34 


BUNKOED 5 ’ GOSH 


more you rely upon publicity, the more you are 
only advertised, informed, about the men you vote 
for, the worse government you get. 

And that. Average, is because the smaller the 
government, the less the power of publicity, and 
therefore, the less the power of Eich Mann in that 
government; and, the greater the govermnent, the 
greater the power of publicity, and therefore, the 
greater the power of Eich Mann in that govern¬ 
ment. And all that is because Eich Mann owns or 
controls the means of publicity. 

The whole plan of government is very conveni¬ 
ently arranged for Eich Mann's control of it. If 
he can't always get the laws, that he wants, put 
through, he can very easily prevent any from 
going through that he doesn't want. 

And, if by any chance, a law objectionable to 
Eich Mann should slip through one branch of the 
legislature, there is the other branch where it may 
be stopped. And if not there, perhaps the execu¬ 
tive v/ill kindly veto it for Eich Mann. Execu¬ 
tives are inclined to that practice. 

But, if all else fails, there is yet the supreme 
court, which may declare it unconstitutional, or 
interpret it in his favor. This, the court may do 
by a bare majority vote, as it has frequently done, 
sometimes by a vote of five to four, and again, by 
a vote of four to three. 

So, Eich Mann has many chances to protect 
himself from laws objectionable to him. There 
are four places where he has a chance and he is 
very powerful in all four places. 

Political parties lend themselves handily to 
Eich Mann's control. There is the old advice. 





RICH MANN 


35 


‘‘Divide to rule.’^ It may be the Devil first 
gave it. Certainly, it is well followed. The people 
is well divided. All to the good, with Rich Mann! 

All parties require money to conduct a cam¬ 
paign. Rich Mann has the money. Parties must 
nominate candidates acceptable to him or there 
wonT be much money for them. He influences the 
nominations of the parties, contributes money to 
each, let’s not his left hand know what his right 
hand doeth, and, no matter which party wins, he 
has friends in power. 

And this whole system is securely fastened 
upon the people by the Constitution which took 
your share in the government away from you, 
Average. 

And now. Average, from what I have said do 
not think that I am trying to rouse you to hatred 
of Rich Mann. He is not really to blame. He 
does what he can to have the government con¬ 
form to his wishes, even as you and I do. But he 
has much more power in the matter. And that. 
Average, is because of election. To make him take 
his stand with the rest of us, to bring him back 
even with us, election must be done away with. 

Election is only a contest. And Rich Mann is 
fortunately situated to engage in that contest. If 
he engages at all he is bound to win. And it is as 
absurd to hate him for that reason as it would be 
to hate the young men, if the choice of a govern¬ 
ment were left to a foot race, another contest; 
for, the young men would always win that contest. 

Don’t hate Rich Mann. Hate contests to get a 
government. For, by no contest may a fair gov¬ 
ernment be had. Hate election. 




36 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


Leaving the choice of a government to election 
is as unfair to you, Average Mann, as leaving it 
to a foot race would be to the one-legged man. 
The one-legged man would have no chance to win 
a foot race. 

You and Eich Mann do not meet in the election 
contest upon terms of equality. You may speak 
only to your neighbors. While Eich Mann, by 
reason of his means, may speak to millions. 

We think we are so far ahead of the Mexicans, 
Average. That is a mistake. In Mexico, changes 
in the government are obtained by winning con¬ 
tests. The opposition organizes, and so do those 
in control. Money is gathered. Men are hired to 
shoot otf guns. The contest takes place, and the 
winners of that contest become the government. 
Of course, the losers cannot reasonably expect a 
fair deal. 

In our civilized nation we have a set time for 
the contest. We are regular. Men organize. 
Money is gathered. Men are hired to shoot otf, 
not guns, but their mouths. The contest takes 
place, and the winners become the government. 
Of course the losers cannot reasonably expect a 
fair deal. They never got it yet, and they never 
will, in that way. 

It seems to you that the people is to blame in 
election? 

No, Average, the people is not to blame. The 
people does not do it. The people never does any¬ 
thing, as I shall show you. The people never 
elects anyone. It is impossible for the people to 
transact any business. And that. Average, is why 
representative government is resorted to. The 





THE PEOPLE 


37 


people is so numerous that there can be no meet¬ 
ing of it. I will show you, Average, that the acts 
which we attribute to the people are, fairly, not 
the acts of the people at all. 

People, Average, is a collective name, like army, 
herd, school, flock, and board. An army is only an 
army when the soldiers of that army are collected, 
gathered together; and a herd of cattle is a herd 
only when the members of that herd are collected, 
gathered together. So with school, flock and 
board. 

Average, the school board of a country school 
district consists of three members. If you should 
go out to sell a map to that board, and should 
go, first, to one member, and get him to sign the 
contract, then, to another, and get him to sign, and 
then, to the remaining member, and get him to 
sign, you would have a contract signed by all the 
members of that school board, a contract that 
would be apparently the contract of that school 
board. 

But, if, when you came to tender the map and 
get your pay for it, the board should refuse to 
accept it, and you should sue upon the contract, 
the court would decide against you. You would 
lose your case, for the very good reason that the 
contract was not authorized at any meeting of 
the board. The board didn’t make the contract. 

That board can act only at a meeting of the 
members. And this rule is founded upon common 
sense. The members should meet, to act as a 
board, so that the members may discuss the mat¬ 
ter, and inform each other of any facts in the case, 
that any one of them knows, and thus, all come to 




38 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


a common understanding as to what the facts are. 
Each should know what the others know. Other¬ 
wise, that contract may be signed by each of the 
members, acting separately, with the understand¬ 
ing that a certain fact is true, which, if there were 
a meeting, either one of the other members might 
inform him isn^t true. 

And so, with the people at election, only each 
individuals choice in the matter is had. In one 
town men may be voting for a man with the 
understanding that the man is to keep them out of 
war, while in the next town men may be voting 
for him with the understanding that he is for 
going into the war. 

If those men could meet to act, they would vote 
with a common understanding of what the facts 
are, and if a dispute as to the facts should arise, 
they would settle the facts—they might call the 
man himself before them to get it straight. There 
wouldn’t be so much pussy-footing as there is in 
elections now. 

In our recent presidential election there was a 
prominent senator from California, a ^‘bitter¬ 
ender,” working strenuously for a certain candi¬ 
date for president, because that senator under¬ 
stood that that candidate was against any league 
of nations; and there was another prominent man, 
an ex-president, strenuously working for that 
same candidate for president, because that ex¬ 
president understood that that candidate was for 
a league of nations. Which prominent man was 
wrong? Which was fooled? Which worked for 
just that to which he was opposed? Time will 
tell. Time will show that one, or the other, of 








THE PEOPLE 


39 


those two prominent men, worked under a mistake 
of fact, and with him millions of other men. 

And so. Average, if the court will decide that 
the school board did not legally make that con¬ 
tract, that the contract is not the act of that board, 
because the members acted separately, what do 
you think it should decide, to be consistent, in 
regard to the alleged act of the people, the mem¬ 
bers of which act separately? The people never 
meet, cannot meet to transact any business be¬ 
cause of the great number, and because it cannot 
meet, government by representation is resorted 
to; and yet it is said, the people did this, and the 
people did that. 

Every principle, every reason involved in the 
case of the school board, is involved in the case 
of the people, and enlarged, because of the vast 
number of individuals which would have to meet 
to have the people present. 

There must be a meeting of the people. If that 
canT be had, then, the next best thing is a meet¬ 
ing of as many as can conveniently be had. If all 
the people canT get in to the meeting, let in as 
many as can conveniently be let in, and take such 
measures that all will have an equal chance to get 
in. That is the only fair way. That is the only 
way in which a meeting may be had that may reas¬ 
onably be presumed to act as the whole people 
would act if it could meet. That is the next best 
thing to a meeting of the people. 

No, Average, that action which we call the 
action of the people is not the action of the people 
at all, and there is no reasonable probability that 
it is such action as the people would take if it 




40 


BUNKOED E GOSH 

could meet. That action is the action of a scat¬ 
tered herd, running hither and thither, moved by 
this false story and that false story, without 
means of learning the truth, stampeded, and kept 
in a continual state of doubt and dispute by Rich 
Mann, who is the only one possessed of means 
sufficient to enable him to disseminate informa¬ 
tion, and misinformation, to all the individuals of 
the mass. Falsehood is relied upon, while those 
individuals in the mass, who know it to be what it 
is, cannot successfully combat it, because they 
lack the means to that end, means which are pos¬ 
sessed by Rich Mann, only. 

And that. Average, is why you may see the 
vote of a township, composed entirely of farmers, 
coming in, fifty-fifty, each man paired with an¬ 
other, so that the effect of the township vote is 
nothing at all, while those farmers are all inter¬ 
ested in the same way, and, if voting on a matter 
in the legislature, would probably all vote the 
same way. 

Now, from what I have been telling you. Aver¬ 
age, you might gather that Rich Mann rules. But 
that is not true either, Average. We haven’t got 
to the real ruler yet. 

Rich Mann is rich because he wants to be, be¬ 
cause he wishes money, and he is, in the majority 
of cases, dominated, ruled, by Money. Often he is 
really insane over Money. Insanity knows no 
right nor wrong. Insanity is indifferent to the 
woe and misery of others. 

Now, we have got to the real ruler. Average. 
It is Money. Rich Mann is the slave of Money. 
He is so busy chasing after it that he hasn’t time 











THE MONSTER 


41 


to live, and grudges the time to die. Money rules 
Eich Mann. Eich Mann rules Best Mann. Best 
Mann rules Average Mann. Thus, you. Average 
Mann are ruled by Money. Money has neither 
conscience nor soul. It is a Monster! You, Aver¬ 
age, are ruled by a creature without a conscience 
or a soul, a Monster! You go here and you go 
there, you do this and you do that, when that 
Monster says you shall. 

The Constitution took self-determination away 
from you, Average, and made a Monster your 
master. That is the final result of electing law¬ 
makers, of getting a government by election. 

Election of lawmakers is the point upon which 
you must concentrate your attention, and all your 
attention, Average. For, that is the foundation 
upon which is built the whole structure of unfair¬ 
ness that you see around you. Election of law¬ 
makers is the point where the turn-otf from Fair¬ 
ness was made, the turn-off which leads to this 
Wilderness of Injustice and Unfairness. 

There is no use wallowing round in this Wilder¬ 
ness of Injustice and Unfairness, seeking for Jus¬ 
tice and Fairness. You must go back to the turn¬ 
off, go back to the road that you know is Fair. 
That is the only road to Fairness and Justice. 
You know all about the road and you know it is 
Fair. And you ought to know it will lead to Fair¬ 
ness and Justice. 





The Remedy 


''With equal pace, impartial fate, 

Knocks at the palace and the cottage gate.” 

—Horace. 


Chapter Three 


Along about this time, Average might be ex¬ 
pected to exclaim:'' What do you mean ? Have no 
more elections ? What shall we do then 1 ^ 

And since, by so doing, he would show more in¬ 
terest than the lumber-jack did, I would go on 
again, this wise: 

Eemember, Average, what the salesman told 
the lumber-jack to do? He told him not to let 
anyone lay the coins down, but to insist that they 
be tossed into the air, so that, no one could control 
them, and it would be a matter of chance, as to 
which side came up. That was pretty good ad¬ 
vice, Average. The lumber-jack will tell you so. 
He followed it. 

And now, my advice to you. Average, is that 
you insist that much the same thing be done in 
your case. Take it out of the power of everybody 
to say what man shall go to make the laws. Point 
to that Declaration of Independence, and repeat, 
‘^All men are created equal.Then, demand that 
that preaching be lived up to, be practiced. The 
men who fought in 1776 fought for that principle. 


EQUALITY 


43 


It was a promise to them. It is time it he fulfilled, 
be put into operation. 

Ail men being created equal, all are entitled to 
an equal voice in the government, in making the 
laws that are to protect them; but, since that can’t 
be had, then, all are entitled to an equal chance to 
have an equal voice in the government, in making 
those laws. 

If ail the people should be called together to 
make the laws. Average, you would go and you 
would have your equal voice in making those laws. 
You would have the absolute right to go. It^s 
your right naturally, and no one has the right to 
take it from you. But, all the people, cannot he 
called together; there are too many. Well, in that 
case, since all can’t go, you must have your equal 
chance to go. Why should you give up all your 
right to go just because everybody can’t go I That 
isn’t the way to solve that problem, fairly. That 
problem is fairly solved only by each giving up 
his equal right to go, and each receiving in return, 
an equal chance to go. You gave up your equal 
right to go and got nothing in return. Best Mann 
gave up nothing. He has got everything he had 
before it was arranged to reduce the number. 
Average, you were Bunkoed B ’ Gosh! 

Demand your equal chance with all the rest. 
Demand that the decision as to what man #hall go 
to make the laws be influenced by no man, but that 
the lawmakers be chosen by lot; that they be 
drawn as you were drawn to- fight. 

Tell Rich Mann and Best Mann that, if it is fair 
to draw men to fight, it is fair to draw men to 
make the laws. Tell those men that, if a nation 




44 _ BUNKOED B’ GOSH _ 

can trust men drawn by lot to preserve its life, it 
can trust them to preserve everything else. Tell 
those men that it is as fair to them as it is to you; 
that it is fair to everybody; that you know it is 
fair; that everybody must know it is fair, and that 
nothing else is fair. 

And, Average, those men, if they mean to do 
fairly by you, as they profess to mean—they will 
agree to it. 

That method is for you. Average. It will let 
you in. It is the only method that is for you. 
Election keeps you out, always. Election is for 
Best Mann. 

Those not with you are against you. Average. 
Use a separator of your own. To draw or not to 
draw? That is the separator to use. It will sep¬ 
arate the sheep from the goats, your friends from 
your pretended friends. Start the separator. 
Find out who’s for you and who is for Best Mann. 

Pretty radical plan? 

Well, Average, so it is. But don’t you think 
that the change from an unfair government to a 
fair government, from unfairness to fairness, 
from injustice to justice, is a pretty radical change 
of itself? Do you imagine that any such radical 
change can be made by any plan that isn’t itself 
radical? 

Don’t be afraid of that word radical. Average. 
That word doesn’t bite. That word comes from 
the Latin word meaning root. And a radical. 
Average, is one who believes in going to the root— 
going to the root of troubles and taking them out 
by the root. 











THE RADICAL ^ 

For example: There may be weeds in your 
garden. The conservative would be for cutting 
them off at the surface of the ground, thus, mak¬ 
ing only a seeming end of the trouble, an appar¬ 
ent end. The radical would be for putting the hoe 
into the ground and cutting those weeds out by 
the root. 

Or, a man may be troubled with boils. The con¬ 
servative physician would treat the boils, which 
are only symptoms. The radical physician would 
be for going to the root of the trouble, that ulcer¬ 
ated tooth that is poisoning the whole system. He 
would remove that ulcerated tooth and thus re¬ 
move the cause of all boils. 

The root of all your troubles is election. Aver¬ 
age; and you must get rid of that root or your 
troubles will continue to grow. 

Our ancestors. Average, wdio picked up their lit¬ 
tle belongings, bade their friends and relations 
good bye, and travelled far across the seas to this 
land, were all radicals. They went to the root of 
their troubles, took a radical step, and made a 
radical change, all for the better. 

Don’t be afraid of that word radical. Average. 
That is a word that power that rules uses to scare 
you. It scares him and he wants you to be scared 
too. 

All the progress this world has ever made it 
owes to the radical. The radical first proposed to 
get down out of the trees and form into groups 
for mutual protection. The radical first proposed 
to get out of the caves and build houses. The 
radical first proposed to stop the buying and sell¬ 
ing of wives; and he first proposed that one man 





46 BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


should have only one wife. The radical first pro- ( 
posed having public schools, kept up by the pub- ; 
lie. And it was the conservative who said, 
thank God there are no free schools in these col¬ 
onies, and hope there will be none these hundred 
years. ’ ^ 

It was the radical who first proposed to do away 
with paid turn-pikes and have public roads, main¬ 
tained by the public, and used by everybody free 
of charge; even, as it is the radical today, who 
proposes to have free travel on the street cars and 
railroads. The radical first proposed to abolish 
slavery, and he was hooted and sneered at by Spe¬ 
cial Privilege, just as the radical is today. 

DonT be afraid of that word. Average. It is to 
the radical you owe everything today. The con¬ 
servative has always lain back and said, ‘‘This 
is far enough. ’ ^ While the reactionary has always 
said, “We have already gone too far. Let’s go 
back a little.” 

We might get a criminal? Or a man too young, 
one who hadn’t had much experience? Or an ig¬ 
norant man, one who couldn’t read or write? 
And, we might get a colored man ? 

Well, Average, we’ll give the criminal an equal 
chance to reform, the young and inexperienced 
man, an equal chance to grow old and experienced, 
and the ignorant man, who can neither read 
write, an equal chance to learn. But the coIa^'^^ 
man: he has no chance to change his coloj.-^yjp either 
can give him none. So, with him 
have to be fair, or else unfair. Ag treated 

We may treat him as you ai;^-:7'his share of the 
Average. We may let him bea/ 







THE COLORED MAN 47 


burden of government, but allow him no share in 
the government, or, we may deny him his share in 
the government, and, as a sort of compensation, 
relieve him of his share of the burden. And, we 
may be just, and live up to that Declaration of 
Independence, ^ ‘ All men are created equal. ’ ^ 

That question will be one for the majority to 
decide, something to be taken up after we have 
decided that there shall be a drawing, instead of 
an election, to get a government. Let us first de¬ 
termine to draw; then, determine who shall be 
considered qualified; and let us not discuss the 
second matter until the first is settled. 

But just the same, there is a difference between 
governing through the election booth, and govern¬ 
ing through the legislature, isnT there. Average? 

That colored man is helping to govern now, 
Average, if the people really governs, isn’t he? 
And if he were in the drawing, the colored popu¬ 
lation in the legislature, so obtained, wouldn’t 
have any more influence than the colored popula¬ 
tion now has in the election booth, if the people 
really governs through the election booth, would 
it. Average? By drawing, every class, every 
color, every condition, and every interest would 
be reduced proportionately for a legislature. 

That great difference. Average, is because the 
colored man is now situated as you are. He is 
granted equality, just before he goes into the 
booth where it is taken away from him, forever, 
even as it is taken away from you, forever. You 
don’t mind his voting, because it really amounts 
to nothing at all; but you do mind when it comes 
to giving him an honest-to-goodness share in the 





48 


BUNKOED GOSH 


government, a bona fide share. That is the differ¬ 
ence between pretending to do, and really doing; 
between practicing, and preaching; between a real 
share, and a bogus share. 

But, let us first insist upon some kind of a draw¬ 
ing. Any drawing will be better for you. Average, 
than an election. A drawing would bring a better 
governent, even if the drawing were had only from 
the lawyers. Average. It would bring your friend, 
the average lawyer. 

The majority of the legislators are now law¬ 
yers, anyway, and if a drawing were had from the 
lawyers, only, it would leave those drawn, inde¬ 
pendent of Eich Mann, who is now so powerful 
with them because of election; and you would have 
a better chance of getting a fair deal. The average 
lawyer is a pretty fair fellow when he has a chance 
to be. 

And a drawing would bring a better govern¬ 
ment, Average, if i n each precinct one man should 
be elected by the voters of that precinct, as pro¬ 
posed legislator, and the drawing then had from 
those so elected. That would, to a very great ex¬ 
tent, do away with the power of those who own 
the newspapers and other means of publicity. It 
would bring a man very close to you. Average, 
but it wouldn’t be quite fair as it would still ex¬ 
clude you. You are the man everybody is afraid 
of. Average. For, everybody is looking for a little 
better than a square deal, and everybody knows 
that you are, and that all your ancestors before 
you, the Average Mann of every age, and of every 
country, has always been, for nothing but a square 
deal. 








THE CESSPOOL 


49 


Any kind of a drawing will be better than no 
drawing at all. The trouble isnT so much the 
kind of men we get in congress now, Average, as 
it is what they have to do to get there, and, being 
there, what they have to do to stay there. Elec¬ 
tion doesn’t give a man in congress a chance to 
be right. 

When a man must pass through a cesspool to 
get to congress, it can’t be expected that he will be 
clean when he gets there. Get rid of the cesspool 
route. Average, so that a man can walk up to the 
front door, and go in like a free man, under obli¬ 
gation to no one, but there to attend to his own 
business, to look after his own interests, and thus, 
as a consequence, to look after and protect all in¬ 
terested as he is interested. 

Politics is the cesspool. Average. It’s rotten! 
It stinks to Heaven! It pollutes all who have any¬ 
thing to do with it, all who come near it! And 
your mother, your wife, and your daughter are 
coming! 

And politics. Average—the kind of politics you 
and I mean—is caused by election. Ho away with 
election, and we will be rid of that kind of politics. 
Politics—that kind—is the contest for political 
power, and politics will end when the members of 
the government are drawn, when the contest is 
done away with. 

You don’t like the idea of leaving it to chance 
as to who shall go to make our laws ? 

It won’t be chance. Average, as to who shall go 
to make our laws. A body, in the nature of a sam¬ 
ple of the people will go to make our laws. That 
is sure. For ages men have been using samples. 




50 BUNKOED 5 ’ GOSH 


under similar circumstances, and know the results 
of using them. Using a sample is the next best 
thing to using the whole, and since all the people 
cannot meet to govern, there is nothing else that 
can be done that will be so near certainty as using 
a sample. It will be only a chance as to what in¬ 
dividuals are in the government. That the gov¬ 
ernment will be a sample of the people is a cer¬ 
tainty—there is no chance about that, and there is 
no chance about how a sample will act. It will do 
what the people would do. 

Average, you heard the battle-cry, ‘‘Make the 
world safe for Democracy,’^ didnT you? Yes? 
Yfell, then. Democracy must be something very 
desirable, very good to have, don't you think? 
It is. Average, but there is no Democracy in this 
whole wide world. 

Through election the people have an influence 
on the government. Average, but only an influ¬ 
ence. And the people always have an influence 
on the government, even in an absolute monarchy. 
The autocrat must consider the people, to an ex¬ 
tent, else the people will rise up and destroy him. 
This disaster he must always fear and try to 
avoid, by not going too far. 

Election is only a ditferent way of influencing 
the government, a safer way for the government 
to have the influence exerted. It's a sort of 
‘ ‘ Safety first,'' for the power that rules. 

When the people has grown very much dissatis¬ 
fied, those apparently in control of the govern¬ 
ment are removed by election, and others take 
their places; but the same old power is still on the 





THE SHOCK ABSORBER 


51 


job, at all times; the same old power, only work¬ 
ing through different instruments. 

Kings employ prime ministers for much the 
same purpose. It used to be, when the king con¬ 
ducted his government directly, that the people, on 
growing dissatisfied, would rise up, kill the king, 
and set a new one up in business. That made the 
king business quite risky. So, prime ministers 
were hit upon to act as a sort of shock absorber. 
If the people got tired of the way things were 
going, the king removed the prime minister, put 
another in his place, and kept on going. Prime 
ministers made the king business easier and safer. 
Election serves much the same purpose for the 
power that really rules. An apparent change in 
government is made by election, but only an 
apparent change; no real change. 

And, after election the people says: ^ ^ Let ^s wait 
now, and see what these men do. ^' And the people 
finds out soon enough. The people is always 
throwing out a poor man and putting a good man 
in, as it thinks: always putting that no-good party 
out and putting the other in. The people takes a 
lot of satisfaction in getting even with the party 
that doesnT suit it, by putting another in that 
suits it no better. 

It is as though the people said: ‘‘Now, just for 
that, I wonT let you steal any more of my money. 

It sees to be well understood that it is a punish¬ 
ment to be put out of power. It must be a privi¬ 
lege, then, to be in power. 

That is what has been going on. Average, for 
years and years. And if the people gets, what 
seems to it, to be a good law, once in twenty years. 




52 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


it remembers it a long, long time, and says, ^ ^ See 
what good such a party did.’’ And then, by and 
by, the joker in that good law begins to appear, 
and the people finally discovers that what that 
party really did, was the people. It has always 
been that way: always will be that way, so long 
as elections are had to get a government. Democ¬ 
racy ! The people is always Bunkoed B ’ Gosh! 

I will tell you what Democracy is. Average: 
Democracy is the preaching, ‘‘All men are cre¬ 
ated equal,” put into practice. It is government 
of, by and for the people. You’ve heard the 
phrase, ‘ ‘ That government of, by and for the peo¬ 
ple may not perish.” It couldn’t perish. Aver¬ 
age. For, it didn’t exist, and doesn’t now. 

Average, nuts have kernels; and Democracy, 
like a nut, has a kernel. The kernel in the nut of 
Democracy is, “For the people. ” “By the peo¬ 
ple,” that it may be “For the people.” “Of the 
people,” that it may be “For the people.” 

“For the people,” is the meat, Average. A 
government in behalf of the people, a government 
with an eye singly to the welfare of the whole 
people as a whole, just as the intellect governs the 
whole human body with the welfare of the whole 
human body as the objective,—that kind of a gov¬ 
ernment is a Democracy to all intents and pur¬ 
poses—all that the people cares about Democracy. 
The form makes no difference. The substance is 
the whole matter. Any form will do, if it brings 
the substance. 

To distinguish this Eeal Democracy, which I 
shall outline, this new Democracy, from this pres¬ 
ent Democracy, this hypocritical Democracy, this 




DRAWN DEMOCRACY 


53 


misrepresentative Democracy, this Democracy of 
false representation, which we now endure, I 
shall call it, Drawn Democracy. But Drawn 
Democracy is only representative Democracy, a 
Kepublic, in which the representation is true, and 
not false. 

From the government of Drawn Democracy we 
will bar the criminal. He is a practical anarchist, 
anyway, one who shows by his conduct that he 
believes in no law, no government, and, since he 
does not live up to the laws when made, he should 
have no voice in making them. That is fair, and 
doing much better than at present. Average. 

Every now and then, we hear of some congress¬ 
man rising in his place to denounce a bill, and he 
calls it a steal. But the bill goes lightly on its 
way. It becomes law—that steal, by a majority 
vote. It is criminal to steal. Who were the 
thieves. Average, if that congressman spoke truly 
—and it is very likely that he did? A majority 
doesn’t it seem? 

Next, from the government of Drawn Democ¬ 
racy we will bar the young and inexperienced. It 
takes time to acquire experience and knowledge 
required in public atfairs,—and we must have the 
best that we can get without doing any injustice. 
The young may safely and wisely rely upon a gov¬ 
ernment conducted by their fathers and mothers 
—for mothers will be in it. 

We will say to the young, ^‘Wait, until you 
have had time to acquire sufficient information 
and experience. Between you, and your fathers 
and mothers, certainly, the fathers and mothers 
should be allowed to go first. Your time will come 




54 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


later on.'' That will he fair. Anything will be 
fair that will not take from each his equal chance. 

And, to the ignorant man, we will say, ‘‘We 
give you an equal chance to learn. Learn, and 
you may go in with us. We have learnt." And 
there can he no question that will be fair. 

And at what age will we allow a citizen to offer 
himself, or herself ? 

That, too, will be decided by the majority. Aver¬ 
age, but, perhaps, at thirty, perhaps thirty-five. 
Certainly, the latter age should be high enough, 
but whatever the majority may think, should be 
agreeable to all of us. 

And what educational qualifications? What 
will we demand? 

At least, that those who present themselves 
must be able to read and write our language, and 
perhaps more, if it seems proper to the majority. 

So then, we may have, as a minimum require¬ 
ment, that only law-abiding citizens, over thirty 
years of age, who are able to read and write our 
language, may offer themselves as legislators, 
may seek a share in the government. The re¬ 
quired number will then be drawn by lot from 
those who have offered themselves, who have 
volunteered. 

There can be no question that all that will be 
perfectly fair. It will result in every class, every 
interest, being truly and properly represented in 
the government. To be sure each class, each in¬ 
terest, will be represented by the elders holding 
that interest, but that will treat each interest alike. 

The unfairness in the result of election, to get a 
government, lies in the fact that some interests 





KNOWLEDGE 


55 


are not represented at all, or are very poorly rep¬ 
resented; for example, the farmers and the wage 
earners; while other interests have more than their 
fair share of representation; for example, lawyers, 
bankers, capitalists and professional politicians. 

The method I propose. Average, will result in 
government by the elders, a government by the 
fathers and mothers of the nation. We depended 
upon those fathers and mothers during many 
years of our lives, for everything, and there can 
be no doubt we may depend upon them in the 
government, to establish justice, to the best of 
their knowledge and ability. 

We must be sure that all the knowledge and 
ability in the government is working to establish 
justice, for everybody, and not for a part; injus¬ 
tice. 

Those fathers and mothers will, unquestionably, 
enact such laws, and only such laws, as they may 
deem to be for the welfare of the whole nation. 

Every interest, every class, fully represented, 
will be there to immediately inform that govern¬ 
ment of its special needs, of a point where justice 
may be established. None will have to organize, 
and prompt, and prod, that government to get it 
to do what it was set up to do. 

Will those legislators know enough? Why, 
Average, we never lacked knowledge in our gov¬ 
ernment. We have always had lots of it there, 
but, too often, it has been working for the other 
fellow. 

A smart lawyer is a harm to you. Average, if 
he is on the other side, but a much greater harm 





56 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


to you, if he pretends to be on your side, and yet 
is on the other side. 

What you should try to get, is as smart a lawyer 
as you can, who will surely be on your side. To 
be sure that the government will always be on the 
side of the people, there is nothing else that can 
be done except to draw the legislators. 

And you mustn’t forget. Average, that a con¬ 
gressman draws Seventy-five Hundred dollars per 
year, as salary, and is allowed twenty cents per 
mile, coming and going, to and from congress, 
for traveling expenses. And, also, he is allowed 
Twelve Hundred dollars per year for a secretary. 

If a man from the country should happen to be 
drawn for congress, he could take his lawyer— 
one of those country lawyers—the best all-around 
lawyers—right along with him, to act as his secre¬ 
tary. If the salary allowed for secretaries should 
seem a little low to the lawyer, the congressman 
could make that up out of his own salary, and 
charge it otf as ‘^campaign expenses,” since he 
wouldn’t have any of those to pay under Drawn 
Democracy. 

With a lawyer for secretary, if the congress¬ 
man was in doubt how to vote on any bill, he might 
ask his lawyer, and then do as he pleased. That 
would be better than the present arrangement, 
whereby the lawyer goes down and votes as he 
pleases, and you have nothing to say at all, only 
to wait to get even. 

Average, those fathers and mothers will be in¬ 
terested as the sons and daughters are interested. 
They will be always on the side of the people. 




COUNCIL OF ELDERS 


57 


That council of elders, as we may call it, will 
approach in the intelligence displayed by its acts, 
the intelligence of the most intelligent individual 
on it, for, the most intelligent individual will com¬ 
municate his intelligence to the rest. And the 
members will have nothing else to do but inform 
themselves, and, indeed, it may very reasonably 
be expected, that, long before they are drawn, they 
will have prepared themselves for the duties 
which they may one day have opportunity to ful¬ 
fill. 

That council of elders may call in experts to 
advise in intricate matters of peculiar knowledge. 
We need have no fear that it will not know enough. 
You, Average, do not know how to draw a deed or 
a mortgage, but you do know whether you wish 
to sell your land and take a mortgage back, and 
you have the expert prepare the papers for you 
according to your wishes and directions. And 
when they are prepared, you read them, and if 
they do not suit you, you require changes until 
they are made to conform to your agreement. 

By no means do you put the expert in full 
charge of your whole business, because you do 
not know how to draw up the contracts. That is, 
in your private business you donT do that way. 
In your public business, the business of govern¬ 
ment, you do put the expert in full charge. He 
does it all. 

And the term of office! 

Well, that must not be so long that the members 
of the council may lose their identity of interest 
with the people. The council of elders must be 
kept always, ^ ‘ Of the people. ^ ’ 




58 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


I would suggest three years, as the term, choos¬ 
ing one third of the members each year, so that 
the council of elders, while continually changing, 
continually being refreshed from the mass of the 
people, still, will always have on it many who are 
up to date on what is doing in public affairs. 

Some may be bribed? 

Well, Average, so they may. But may that not 
happen now? 

Each legislator drawn. Average, will vote as he 
sees fit, according to his own selfish interest. By 
doing that, he will be voting for, representing, all 
interested as he is—his constituents will be those 
interested as he is interested,—and if, by such a 
vote, a measure should carry, it will be because 
the majority of the council will be interested in 
having it carried, and, since the council will be 
in the nature of a sample of the people, the major¬ 
ity of the people will be interested in having that 
measure carried. That sample will want only 
what the people would want. It will do only what 
the people would do. 

Since, each will vote according to his own pri¬ 
vate interests, to bribe a person, it Avill be neces¬ 
sary to bribe him to vote contrary to his own 
private interests, which, you must admit, is not so 
easy as to bribe one, who is presumed to vote, not 
according to his own private interests, but accord¬ 
ing to the interests of his constituents, whom he 
is presumed to represent, and who, thus, is often 
presumed to vote contrary to his own private in¬ 
terests. 

Again, of course the objection to bribery is 
that it would result in the council taking action 





BRIBERY 


59 


different from what it would take, if there were 
no bribery. That is, that it would result in action 
being taken contrary to the interests of a major¬ 
ity of the people, and contrary to what the 
majority wants. 

That being the case, and since the council will 
be continually changing under Drawn Democracy, 
it will not be long until another body will be on 
hand, a body which has not been bribed, and 
which, since it will be a sample of the people, 
and the people doesnT want that law, will itself 
not want the law. 

And, that body, not wanting the law, will repeal 
it, unless there is more bribery to prevent that 
action. So, to get a law upon the books, contrary 
to what the people wants, it will be, not only neces¬ 
sary to bribe many of the members, against their 
own interests, but it will also be necessary to be 
on hand every year, and to he continually bribing, 
to keep that law upon the books. 

That will prove very dangerous for the briber. 
Average. And there is not much real bribery 
now. Average. It is not necessary to bribe the 
legislators now. The majority are owned, intim¬ 
idated or controlled. Many of them are servants 
of Eich Mann, his private lawyers, sent there to 
act as his servants, to vote as he would vote if he 
were there. 

And the law against bribery could be changed 
greatly for the better, too. Average. As it is now, 
both the giver and the receiver of a bribe are pun¬ 
ished, if caught. So, bribery is made a sort of 
gentlemen ^s agreement, which each is equally in¬ 
terested in concealing. The law might be changed 





60 


BUNKOED R GOSH 


so that only the giver would be punished, thus, 
doing away with that gentlemen’s agreement. 

And there is another little thing, while we are 
on the subject of bribery. Average. Your con¬ 
gressman now votes openly, in congress. That is, 
of course, for the assumed purpose, that you may 
know how he votes, so that if he doesn’t vote as 
you would vote if you were there, you may retire 
him. 

But that also makes it possible for Eich Mann 
to know how he votes, that he too may retire him. 
The practice of public voting lends itself to brib¬ 
ery very readily, since the purchaser may know 
whether or not the goods are delivered. 

And, while those men in congress are voting 
openly, Average, you, in your election booth, are 
compelled to vote secretly, so that you may not 
sell your vote. 

But, Average, there is one congressman for 
about every forty thousand voters in the election 
booth, and so, conceding your vote has power in 
the election booth, the vote of a congressman has 
forty thousand times as much power, in congress. 
And he votes openly in congress! Why not fix it 
so he can’t sell his vote, too? 

Even if he is more honest than the voter in the 
election booth, is he forty thousand times as hon¬ 
est? And if he is that, his vote is worth forty 
thousand times as much, so that would only leave 
him on a par with the voter in the election booth, 
as the temptation could be forty thousand times 
as great. 

You would get a better government. Average, 
if those men in congress were compelled to vote 




OFFICERS 


61 


secretly at all times. The practice of voting 
openly does you more harm than good. 

What good does it do you to retire a congress¬ 
man because he didn’t vote as you would have 
voted if you had been there, and then to send in 
his place another, which other, if he had been 
there, for anything that you may know, would 
have voted, just as the first one did? 

And what about the other officers? 

Don’t say other officers. Average. Those 
fathers and mothers will not be officers at all. 
They, assembled as the council of elders, will be 
the government. I explained that to you already. 
An officer is only a servant of the government. 

If the whole people should assemble to govern, 
it would be the government. Since the whole 
people cannot assemble, the council of elders will 
represent it, and will be the government, in its 
stead. 

If the whole people should assemble and wanted 
a man to go and get some wood, it would hire a 
good man for that purpose; and if it wanted a 
good manager it would hire a good man for that 
purpose. 

So, with the council of elders. The government 
will hire and fire its servants, just as you and I 
hire and fire our servants. Of course. Average, 
I might use the expression ^‘discharge” or ^^ask 
for his resignation,” but you know ^^fire” goes a 
little further, and ^^fire” is what I mean. If a 
man should be fired, I think he will be fired. His 
resignation will not be ^ ^ asked for. ’ ’ 

The council of elders will be the board of direc¬ 
tors for the whole body of stockholders, the peo- 





BUNKOED K GOSH 


62 


pie, and it perform such duties as the board 
of directors of a private corporation usually per¬ 
forms. Indeed, Average, having now got so far 
as to have obtained a fair government, a board of 
directors, governing and directing for the welfare 
of the whole, we may reasonably expect that many 
of the practices followed by private corporations 
will be followed by the government of Drawn 
Democracy, and a government so efficient evolved, 
that it will be able to do all things that the pri¬ 
vate corporation does and with equal efficiency. 

Likely, it will hire a president, as private cor¬ 
porations do, a public manager, and turn the ad¬ 
ministration over to him, subject to the direction 
of the council of elders, and that this manager will 
hire suitable men for the various branches he may 
find necessary, who, will in turn hire their sub¬ 
ordinates, and so on. 

Thus, the board will express its wishes, and it 
will be the duty of the public manager to do them, 
or to see that they are done. If there is any 
failure, the point where the failure occurred will 
be located almost immediately, and with certainty. 
There will be no passing the buck. Doing their 
duty will ensure officers of holding their jobs. 
Doing anything different, will ensure their prompt 
removal. 






Comparisons 


who will not reason, is a bigot; 
He who cannot, is a fool; 

He who dares not, is a slave.’’ 

—Byron. 


Chapter Four 


Pretty socialistic scheme? 

Why, Average, no. Was it a pretty socialistic 
scheme for the lumber-jack to demand that the 
coins be tossed into the air instead of being laid? 
And if the coins were tossed into the air, don’t 
you think that the change in favor of the lumber¬ 
jack was such, that it showed his wisdom in de¬ 
manding that it be done ? Do you think that lum¬ 
ber-jack, after he had tried the tossing method, 
could have been persuaded to go back to laying the 
coins again, by calling the tossing method, anarch¬ 
ism, socialism, bolshevism, or any other name that 
is used to scare you? 

Drawn Democracy is only a different method of 
getting a government, in a Eepublic, a different 
method of getting a representative government. 

Socialism is an economic system, not a method, 
and not a political system, though socialism does 
seek to have the economic system advocated put 
into force by the government. 

The economic system under which we now oper¬ 
ate, Average, may be called individualism, to dis- 


64 


BUNKOED GOSH 


tinguish it from socialism. The socialist calls in¬ 
dividualism, the capitalistic system. 

Under the practice of individualism, each works 
for his own benefit, and enjoys the product of that 
work, exclusively. Under the practice of social¬ 
ism, all would work for the benefit of all, and all 
would enjoy the product of that work together. 

Imagine a great body of people organized as a 
modern army is organized, and that army, as we 
may call it, supplying all the wants of each indi¬ 
vidual, and each individual doing the work 
assigned him by his superior. 

Some would be set to work raising crops, others 
to gathering fuel, and still others, to cutting tim¬ 
ber, and so on; and the product of all that work 
would be rationed out to each, share and share, 
alike. That army would be an illustration of a 
highly socialized state. 

Or, suppose a half dozen of us should go hunt¬ 
ing ducks. Shall we agree that each one shall 
keep for his own, the ducks that he may shoot? 
That would be individualism, or the capitalistic 
system. And that would be fair if all would con¬ 
duct themselves fairly. 

Or, shall we all shoot ducks, put the result of 
the hunt together, and then divide up, share and 
share, alike? That would be socialism. And cer¬ 
tainly, that too, would be fair if all would conduct 
themselves fairly. 

We are now practicing individualism. The bur¬ 
den of proof rests with those who would have us 
change to socialism. It is for them to show us 
that we would improve our condition by the 
change. 





SOCIALISM 


65 


And now, why does the socialist advocate that 
we should make the change from this individual¬ 
istic system, this capitalistic system, as he calls 
it, to the socialistic system? Why he says the 
game doesn^t result fairly, that it isn’t being 
played fairly. Well, that is true. 

But is that a good reason for quitting the game? 
The game is fair if it is played fairly. Is there 
any assurance that any other game will be played 
fairly? Any game may be played unfairly. 

Suppose you and I are engaged in a game of 
cards with another. And suppose that you pro¬ 
pose to change to a different game, and urge, as 
your reason for making the change, that the third 
party is cheating, is dealing from the bottom of 
the deck. Isn’t it for you to show me that he can’t 
deal from the bottom of the deck in the other 
game ? That he can’t cheat ? If he won’t play one 
game fairly how can it be expected that he will 
play the other game fairly? 

Or, suppose, again, that you and I, and a few 
others, should go picking berries together, but 
each for himself, individualistically, capitalisti¬ 
cally, as I may say. And suppose in a little while 
it should develop that one of the party is running 
all over the patch, tramping down the bushes and 
destroying many berries, looking always for the 
best place; in other words, not playing fairly. 

Then, suppose, that, to do away with that kind 
of action, we should arrange that what all picked 
should be put into one basket and divided up, 
share and share alike. Don’t you think that it 
might soon happen that some one would have to 
complain that that party is now over under the 




66 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


bushes, lying down, and not picking any berries 
at all, not working? 

Under individualism we have to have a govern¬ 
ment, Average. The purpose in having that gov¬ 
ernment is to see that the game of individualism 
is played fairly by all. But it isn’t being played 
fairly now. Average. And the government 
doesn’t take steps to see that it is played fairly. 
And that. Average, is because the government 
itself isn’t fair. The government isn’t fair be¬ 
cause the method of getting it isn’t fair. Elec¬ 
tion results in a capitalistic government: and it is 
the capitalistic governmental system that the 
socialist is really complaining of. He would do 
away with the capitalistic economic system, with 
capital, in order to keep capital from ruling. 

So long as self-interest is in the world. Aver¬ 
age, no one kind, in control of the government, 
will do justice to all kinds. The nature of man is 
such that it is impossible, and absurd to expect it. 

Under the practice of socialism self-interest 
would not disappear; and there would have to be 
a government, a very strong government, a very 
centralized, efficient government; for there would 
be much more for the government to do. If the 
government, under socialism shouldn’t be fair, 
much more injustice might result because the gov¬ 
ernment would have much more power for good 
or evil. 

But, the socialist doesn’t propose a different 
method of getting a government. He would go on 
using election. He doesn’t propose a fair method 
of getting a government. He would have Best 
Mann run the government just as it is now. That 





SOCIALISM 


67 


would let you out again, Average Mann. What 
have you ever done, Average, that was so bad, that 
no one ever proposes to let you run the govern¬ 
ment? And you do all the paying, all the work, 
and all the fighting. 

The Best Mann has been tried, under individual¬ 
ism, and he cheats. If we should change the game 
to socialism would he change his ways? Never, 
Average, never. He would abuse his power again. 

Under socialism some jobs would he more 
pleasant than others, some easier than others. 
With Best Mann still in control, what kind of a 
job do you think you would get. Average? Don’t 
you think you might be digging ditches, w^hile 
Best Mann and his supporters had charge of the 
rations? Don’t you think you might he out in the 
hot sun, raising barley, while Best Mann and his 
supporters worked in the brewery? 

Don’t you think. Average, that you should insist 
that the government be made fair by using a fair 
method to get it, before you discuss any other 
change? Perhaps if there were a fair govern¬ 
ment to see that this game of individualism, 
which we are now engaged in, is played fairly, 
that you would like this game. 

You can’t better yourself. Average, by changing 
to another game, so long as the government which 
is to umpire the game, is unfair. And the gov¬ 
ernment always will be unfair until the method 
of getting it is fair. The only method of getting 
it, that is fair, is to choose the members of the 
government by lot, to draw them. 

Socialism is a sort of brotherly love game. 
Average, a sort of ‘^Love-one-another” game. 





68 


BUNKOED GOSH 


And the game we are now engaged in is a sort of 
^^Each for himself'' game. Pretty selfish, I 
admit. 

But doesn't it seem to you, that before attempt¬ 
ing to qualify for that ‘^Love-one-another" game 
we should learn to play this game fairly? 

Until every man is perfect, without a fair gov¬ 
ernment no game will be played fairly. Drop all 
the ^4sms" until you have Drawn Democracy. 
When you have that, you will get, as a matter- 
of-course, whatever the majority may deem best 
for us all, no matter what name it may be called. 

The socialist wants the capitalistic system of 
government done away with because it isn't fair. 
So, after all, what the socialist really complains 
of is the lack of a fair deal. Drawn Democracy 
is a fair deal to every man, and should be accept¬ 
able to all who want nothing more than that. If 
you meet Average Socialist tell him about it. 

The Bolshevist is a socialist, too. Average. But 
socialists are of two kinds; the majority socialist, 
who believes in winning at the polls, waiting until 
he has a majority; and the Bolshevist, who be¬ 
lieves in putting socialism into effect by a force- 
able overthrow of the government, direct action. 
He is for a ‘‘dictatorship of the proletariat." 
And the proletariat means. Average, the poorest 
class of society; strictly, the class that has no 
capital and lives on wages, lives by working for 
others for wages, the wage-earner. 

The Bolshevist leader says he is for a “dic¬ 
tatorship of the proletariat," but since he rules 
the proletariat himself, it really amounts to a dic¬ 
tatorship of the leaders of the proletariat. A die- 







BOLSHEVISM 


69 


tatorsMp isn’t a democracy. It doesn’t propose 
to give even the wage-earners an equal share in 
the government. And the Bolshevist doesn’t pro¬ 
pose to do justice to any class except the prole¬ 
tariat. He promises them—you know—promises, 
too, Average. 

You, Average, are not a proletariat. You are 
between the proletariat at the bottom and the aris¬ 
tocrat at the top, so you would have no share in 
the government, by any way of thinking, under a 
^^dictatorship of the proletariat.” You would be 
barred just as you are now. 

All forms of government except only Drawn 
Democracy propose that you be barred, Average. 
And that, Average, is because you are known to 
honest, intelligent and fair. That is the record 
of your ancestors, the Average Mann of all the 
ages. And, since, you are known to be honest 
and fair, Average, and since every other form of 
government, except only Drawn Democracy, in¬ 
tends to be dishonest and unfair to some one, none 
of them want you to be in it. 

You must remember. Average, Drawn Democ¬ 
racy is not for or against any political principle 
or party. It has nothing whatever to do with any 
political principles, except that it provides a bet¬ 
ter way of determining what principles the major¬ 
ity holds. It is an efficient method, the only effi¬ 
cient method possible to use, of getting the views 
of the majority on every question that may arise, 
just as soon as it arises. 

Under our present system one party may advo¬ 
cate high tariff, and the other low tariff, when 
the tariff is the issue. The election is held. One 





70 


BUNKOED 5 ’ GOSH 


or the other party wins upon that issue, and we 
may get what that party advocated, so far as the 
tariff is concerned. But many other matters will 
come up while that party is in power, upon which 
it will take action. 

That party goes into power because it advo* 
cated, so far as the taritf is concerned, and only 
so far as the taritf is concerned, what the major¬ 
ity wanted. But, because that party advocated 
what the majority wanted in regard to the taritf, 
is no reason for presuming that such action as that 
party may take on other matters, while in power, 
will be the action that the majority wants taken. 
There is no surety as to that; not even a probabil¬ 
ity. And if it should happen—and it has hap¬ 
pened—that the party should fail to put through 
even the tariff that it advocated, to get into power, 
what can be done? Why, the only thing that can 
be done is to wait for another election, put that 
party out, and put another in its place. 

And there will be no more surety as to what that 
other party will do. There is no surety as to 
what any party will do. There is not even any 
surety that the party will keep the promises it 
made to get in. Parties often only pretend to 
keep their promises. 

Under Drawn Democracy there will be reason¬ 
able surety that such action as the lawmaking 
body may take, on every matter, will be agree¬ 
able to the will of the majority. For, the law¬ 
making body, under Drawn Democracy, will be in 
the nature of a sample of the people. And sam¬ 
ples are sure to act almost exactly as the whole 
would act. The drawn lawmaking body will be 





SAMPLES 


71 


sure to do almost exactly what the people would 
do if it could meet. And the practice of drawing 
a part of the lawmaking body every year will 
make it sure that any action taken, not in exact 
conformity with the will of the majority, will soon 
be so changed as to conform. 

That’s all logical, Average, and may be tried 
out with samples of wheat, rye, oats, corn, barley, 
beans, chickens, sheep, and so on, before you make 
your decision in the matter of Drawn Democracy. 

Couldn’t very well have more than five or six 
hundred in such a lawmaking body, and you don’t 
know whether that number would be large enough 
to get a fair sample of the people! 

The number of units required to get a fair sam¬ 
ple doesn’t depend at all. Average, upon the num¬ 
ber of units in the large mass of which the sample 
is to be taken. It depends only upon the number 
of different kinds of units that there are in the 
mass, with respect to the quality with which we 
are concerned. 

The problem is to get a fair government. I will 
admit that the government should not consist of 
over five or six hundred individuals. To get a 
fair government by sample we must have fair 
representation of the people, not by color, height, 
weight, or age, but only by interests. We must 
have every interest fairly represented; that is ail 
that is required. 

Now, Average, there are not over seven or 
eight distinct interests to be found in the mass of 
the people. There are farmers, wage-earners, 
landowners, renters, capitalists, employers, and a 
few other interests. But many are interested in 





72 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


more than one way. A man may be a farmer, a 
landowner, and an employer. Or, he may be a 
farmer and a renter, or a wage-earner and a 
renter. So that all we have to do is to get fair 
representation for seven or eight basic interests 
and all interests will be fairly represented. 

A drawing had, for five or six hundred from a 
mass containing only seven or eight interests, will 
naturally give each interest almost exactly its fair 
representation in the lawmaking body. Any 
slight variation will be averaged by succeeding 
drawings, so that it will be as fair for one as for 
the other. 

That is assuming, of course, that all entitled to 
go, will volunteer, or, that volunteers will come 
from each interest, proportionately. Of course if 
none should volunteer from some particular inter¬ 
est, that interest will be without representation. 
But that is not a defect in the plan. That interest 
may have proper representation by volunteering, 
and if it doesn’t do so, no one will be to blame 
except those holding that interest. 

No one will be compelled to go. All will be 
given an equal chance to go. That’s fair; that’s 
justice; nothing else is. Fairness and justice is 
what we are after. 

Well, there is nothing anarchistic about it? 

Of course not. Average. An anarchist, Aver¬ 
age, is one who is for no government at all, or, at 
best, a government of good manners. He says 
we will all treat each other justly without any 
laws. He is the worst kind of a reactionist. We 
came up from Anarchy. He’s for going back. If 
we should go back some would start organizing at 




ANARCHY 


73 


once, Average, to get a cinch on the rest; and the 
rest would be compelled to organize in self- 
defense. So government would immediately start 
right over again. 

The first government was the family. Average. 
The father ruled that as an autocrat. The next 
higher form was the clan, a collection of families 
related to one another. And after that, came the 
tribe and the state, and now we have the nation. 
That is as far as the world has got along. 

Undoubtedly, way back in the ages, there were 
some who were opposed to the families uniting 
under one government into the clan. They were 
opposed to any government higher than the fam¬ 
ily. We might call them clan-anarchists, sincb 
they were opposed to the clan government. 

Then, when the clans were uniting, undoubtedly 
there were many who were opposed to the clans 
going together in a tribe government. And we 
might call them tribe-anarchists, since they were 
against a tribe government. 

And, again, undoubtedly there were those who 
were opposed to the tribes going together and 
forming a state government, and them we might 
call state-anarchists, since they were against a 
state government. 

And, after that, there were those who were 
opposed to the states going together and forming 
a national government. Them we might call 
national-anarchists, since they were against a 
national government. 

But, at all times, the anarchist was over-ruled, 
for, the formation of the higher government was 
as necessary to the preservation of peace and the 




74 


BUNKOED GOSH 


establishment of justice, as was the formation of 
the lower, in the first instance. Sometimes the 
union came by agreement, but often by force. The 
stronger made the others join. 

Thus, the world has got so far along as national 
governments. There are many national govern¬ 
ments, and they live in a state of anarchy with 
respect to each other; just as the first families did. 
There is no law governing the nations. What we 
call international law is not law at all. There is 
no law unless made by a government, a higher 
power, a power strong enough to enforce obedi¬ 
ence. And there is no such power for inter¬ 
national law. 

The next step in the development of govern¬ 
ment is a super-government, a world government, 
a government higher than the nations, to establish 
justice between the nations. 

There are those who oppose such a government. 
And them we might call super-anarchists, since 
they are opposed to a super-government. 

They say, ‘‘Shall we take orders from a body 
composed partly of men, not citizens of our 
nation?’’ I imagine that is just what the clan- 
anarchist, the tribe-anarchist, the state-anarchist, 
and the national-anarchist said in times gone by. 
But the government came, because it was neces¬ 
sary: there was nothing else that could be done. 
That is the only way to stop war, to preserve 
order, to establish justice where the nations of the 
world, as nations, are involved. And it will come; 
either by agreement or by compulsion, the 
stronger compelling the others to join. 









REIGNING IN HELL 75 


But those in control of government everywhere 
prefer having supreme power in a nation, and a 
state of anarchy between the nations; to having 
limited power in the nation, and a state of order 
between the nations, to having a super-govern¬ 
ment. They seem to believe in the saying, ‘ ^ It is 
better to be the big toad in a little puddle, than to 
be a little toad in the big puddle,’^ or, ‘‘It is better 
to reign in hell, than to serve in heaven.^’ 

Wars donT bother them. They don’t fight 
them. You do that. Average. 






How Suggested 


“The rulers of the world 
Unmercifully just, who punish all 
To the severest rigours of the laws. 

Are most unjust themselves, and violate 

The laws they seem to guard; there is a justice 

Due to humanity” 

—Charles Johnson. 


Chaptek Five 


How did I ever come to think of Drawn Democ¬ 
racy? 

Well, Average, I will tell you that: Of course 
you heard the slogan, ^‘Out of the trenches by 
Christmas?^’ On Christmas Eve, 1914, the great¬ 
est war the world has ever known had raged for 
months. On that western front hundreds of thou¬ 
sand of men of Germany faced other hundreds of 
thousands of men of France. Millions engaged! 
Bloody work their business! Awful death and 
terrible suffering their lot! 

On that Christmas day there was a pause in the 
terrible work of killing. The men of France and 
the men of Germany were allowed to fraternize, 
for that day; and they did; but never again, dur¬ 
ing that war. 

Neither the high command of Germany, nor the 
high command of France would consent to it 
again. It weakened the morale of the men. 
Morale ? Yes, morale, spirit to fight, inclination to 
fight, willingness to fight. 


MORALE 


77 


When morale begins to disappear, Average, in 
its place there begins to appear, spirit of peace, 
desire for peace, inclination for peace, willingness 
for peace. 

There was danger that those men might refuse 
to fight, might strike on the job of killing. A 
strike on the job. No more of that work done. 
No more fighting done. No more killing done. 
That would be peace, in fact. There was danger 
that those men might make a peace, in fact. The 
high commands did away with that danger. Those 
men were not permitted to fraternize again. 

And there, upon that western front. Average, 
was the best representation, the greatest repre¬ 
sentation of the people of France, there ever had 
been anywhere; and there, too, was the best rep¬ 
resentation, the greatest representation of the 
people of Germany, there ever had been any¬ 
where. There, was every class and every condi¬ 
tion of the people of France; and there, was every 
class and every condition of the people of Ger¬ 
many. There was true representation for each 
country. 

There, was France; and there, was Germany. 
And there was danger of peace; peace in fact; 
better than peace on paper. 

Danger? To whom? To the people of France? 
No. Those men of France truly represented 
France. They would do nothing dangerous to 
their France. 

Danger? To the people of Germany? No, 
Those men of Germany truly represented Ger¬ 
many. They would do nothing dangerous to their 
Germany. 





78 


BUNKOED GOSH 


The people of France and the people of Ger¬ 
many wanted peace. That would be good for the 
people of France and the people of Germany, 
not dangerous. 

Danger? Then, to whom? Why, danger to the 
governments. Danger to the power that ruled the 
German people. Danger to the power that ruled 
the French people. 

What? Did not those governments want what 
was good for their people? Were they not gov¬ 
ernments of, by, and for the people? No. They 
were not governments of, by, and for the people. 
They were governments of, by, and for the power 
that ruled. 

Those men were fighting, not for the people, but 
for the powers that ruled them. The powers were 
at war, not the people. 

When those men came to talk to each other they 
must have learned that each army was being told 
by its government, that the other had started the 
war. For, that is what each government was tell¬ 
ing its men; that on their side it was a defensive 
war, a war to preserve their country. They were 
Bunkoed B ^ Gosh! 

Of course those men would make peace. It 
seemed that both sides were fighting under a mis¬ 
apprehension of the facts. There was a mistake. 
Why should they not quit? Each side was will¬ 
ing : fighting is poor pastime. 

There, was the best kind of representation for 
each people. Average. And those men, when they 
came together, would have so conducted them¬ 
selves that good would have resulted for the peo¬ 
ples that they represented. They would have 







THE PEACE CONFERENCE 


79 


ended the war: they would have made a real 
peace, not a peace on paper. 

I got to thinking that over, Average. And it 
occurred to me, that, if a body of men like the 
German army, and another body of men like 
the French army, each body small enough so that 
it could hold a meeting,—if that could be had, and 
the task of making peace should be left to those 
bodies, peace would soon be made between those 
countries. 

Then the peace conference came. Best Mann 
came to the front. Average Mann went to the 
rear; stepped out; would be called again if his 
w^ork were resumed. 

Great hopes were entertained of what that 
peace conference would accomplish. All those 
hopes were dashed. All the promises that Best 
Mann had been making during the war were 
broken. Just such a peace as has been made 
hundreds of times before, in this world, was.made. 
While making an end of one war, the conference 
planted seeds of many wars. But Best Mann 
made some nice speeches. Average Mann couldnT 
have made such nice speeches, though he might 
have made a better peace. 

And so. Average, I came to think, how much 
more likely it would be that a permanent peace 
would be established if each of the nations, instead 
of sending their Best Mann to make the peace, 
would send, instead, bodies of men, like those arm¬ 
ies, bodies obtained in the same way that those 
armies were obtained, men drawn. 

Each representative body might meet in its 
own hall, and consider propositions there, make 





80 


BUNKOED GOSH 


its decisions, and, by messenger, send them in to 
a central body for comparison, a kind of clearing 
house for propositions. 

Shall France have Alsace-Lorraine! Or, shall 
it remain a part of Germany! Well, what ditfer- 
ence does it make! Tariffs. Economic barriers. 
Whichever nation has it may put up barriers 
against the other, economic barriers. Is that all! 
Yes. WeU, what good are those barriers to the 
people as a whole! No good. They are only 
fertile causes of war, injuries to the people as a 
whole, benefits only to the ruling power. 

Those bodies, truly representative of their 
people will agree that all economic barriers shall 
be removed. One cause of war gone! 

Freedom of the seas! You Germans were fight¬ 
ing for that! Who objects! Not the people of 
England. Only the ruling class of England 
objects. 

That body of men truly representative of the 
people of England is fair and square and it will 
not plant seeds of another war by insisting upon 
dominion of the seas. The seas should be free; 
that^s fair, and that body of fair men will con¬ 
cede the point. 

And, so it would go on through the Fourteen 
Points; open covenants openly arrived at. There 
is really nothing for the people of the various 
nations to war with each other over. The govern¬ 
ments, misrepresentative of the people, find much 
to war over. The ruling power in every nation 
is now engaged in a never-ending contest for more 
power. Wars are only moves in that contest. 

No people is interested in holding, or desires 




END OF WARS 


81 


to hold, another people in subjection. Only the 
governing class which exploits its own people, and 
which wishes to exploit, not for the benefit of any 
people, but for its own exclusive benefit, is inter¬ 
ested in holding another people in subjection. 

These thoughts all came to me. Average, with 
many others. And, thinking along these lines it 
occurred to me that Drawn Democracy would be a 
very good thing to have, not only for the purpose 
of getting a fair government for the people of 
the nation, but also for the purpose of making a 
hopeful start toward the end of all war. 

If we should adopt it, other nations of the world 
might adopt it, too, until finally, that would he the 
form of government in every nation. 

It would bring fair governments everywhere. 
With fair governments in control of the affairs of 
each nation, the world over, no nation would be 
so likely to treat another unfairly as at present; 
for the losses of war would have to he borne by all, 
not by a part of the people, while the other part 
prospered. Thus, there would be an increased 
tendency for every nation to act fairly toward 
every other nation. 

Of course there might arise differences of opin¬ 
ion as to what is fair, and, perhaps certain rules 
of conduct might he found necessary. And drawn 
bodies of men from the nations of the world might 
meet and adopt such rules. The bodies being 
fairly obtained, would be fair, and the rules would 
be fair. Fairness might have a better chance in 
the world. Average. Fairness should begin at 
home. 

That, Average,, is how I came to think of Drawn 







82 


BUNKOED K GOSH 


Democracy, and those are some of the thoughts 
that came to me regarding it. 

After studying the matter for sometime, Aver¬ 
age, I came to the conclusion that you ought to 
know about it. You are a pretty fair fellow, 
Average. I am sure you do not want anything 
more than what is fair. And you are praying for 
the end of all war. You ought to. You ought to 
be the man to decide about war. You are the man 
who fights the war: you are the man who pays 
for the war: you are the man who never gains by 
a war, but always loses. No wonder you are pray¬ 
ing for the end of all war! 

But, ‘‘God helps them who help themselves,^’ 
Average. It is within your power to help your¬ 
self. Why not do a little thinking? You are 
the man who should run your own government, 
Average. And the Average Mann of every other 
country should run his own government. It’s 
your business to run yours. Why should you let 
Best Mann run it for you? Do you need a guar¬ 
dian? Average, you are being Bunkoed B’ Gosh! 

Has Drawn Democracy ever been tried any¬ 
where? 

Yes, Average, I have found out about that, too. 
You have heard of Athens, no doubt. Average; 
Athens of the wonderful civilization, ancient 
Athens, of Greece? Well, Average, Drawn 
Democracy was the form of government that 
brought that Athens to the height of its greatness 
and glory. 

In the Athenian Democracy the lawmaking 
body was chosen by lot from all law-abiding citi¬ 
zens over thirty years of age. The lawmaking 





DEMOCRACY OF ATHENS 


83 


body consisted of five hundred men. The term of 
office was one year. The method of choosing was 
as follows: Five hundred black beans were mixed 
with white ones; then the drawing took place. 
Those who drew black beans went to make the 
laws. 

The executive, the manager, was elected. He 
had nothing to do with legislating, no more than 
any private citizen; no veto power. 

And under that form of government Athens 
flourished so grandly. Average, that the time has 
been called by historians, ^ ‘ The Golden Age. ’ ’ 
Writing of Athens under that form of govern¬ 
ment, the historian says: ‘‘It was at this time 
that the dominion of Greek thought—of philos¬ 
ophy, of oratory, of art—^was established on a 
basis which has not been materially shaken by 
the revolutions of twenty-two centuries, and 
which seems destined to be everlasting. ’ ’ 

And, Average, every form of government that 
the world has ever known, excepting only that 
Athenian Democracy, has, sooner or later, crum¬ 
bled, and gone to pieces, because of the inherent 
unfairness of the system. 

The pages of history are filled with stories of 
the downfall of monarchies, autocracies, aris¬ 
tocracies, plutocracies, and elective republics, 
such as ours is; downfalls traceable to the rotten¬ 
ness within the government, due to the system. 

The Democracy of Athens is gone, but it 
endured for a period longer than our govern¬ 
ment has been in existence, and, when it did go, 
it was not because of any fault within the state 




84 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


or in the system. It was conquered by a greatly 
superior force. 

Superior force, from without, accomplished the 
downfall of Athens. No historian may be found 
who attributes its downfall, in any manner, to 
anything within the state, or in the system of gov¬ 
ernment. 

Athens grew great and flourished under Drawn 
Democracy. The Average Mann of ancient 
Athens ruled, and he ruled well. He managed 
his own business. No Best Mann was guardian 
over him. Justice was established. From that 
day to this, search the whole wide world through, 
there has never been a government, so fair, so 
just, so pleasing to the people governed. 

‘‘Make the world safe for Democracy!” Aver¬ 
age, a man, from ancient Athens, would laugh 
you in the face, if you should tell him your gov¬ 
ernment is a Democracy. He would tell you that 
your government is an oligarchy, a plutocracy, 
a government by a few, and that few, the Rich. 

And that man from Athens w’ould know what 
he was talking about. Average. For Athens had 
tried the form that you have. Average, and had 
found it absolutely unfair, and to result in ever- 
increasing unfairness. 

Now, Average, there are men who will say: 
“We donT care anything about that ancient his¬ 
tory stuff. We are living now: we arenT living 
twenty-four hundred years ago.” 

Such men are no wiser than the farmer would 
show himself to be, who, when his horses were all 
taken with a sickness, on being informed that 
Farmer Brown, over in the next township, had his 




HISTORY 


85 


horses all down with that sickness last year, and, 
on its being suggested to him that he go over to 
Farmer Brown, find out what he had done, and 
how his horses had come out, would reply, ‘‘I 
don’t care anything about Farmer Brown’s 
horses. It’s my horses that are sick; not his. 
And, anyway, I ain’t living last year: I’m living 
now. ’ ’ 

Long ago, a wise man said: ‘ ^ The lives of other 
men should be regarded as a mirror, from which 
we may take example, and a rule of conduct for 
ourselves. ’ ’ 

We may take the advice of that wise man, and 
go back to Athens, find our same problem there, 
find out how it was solved, and what the result 
was. And we can go to the lumber-jack and ask 
him what he did, and how he came out. That’s 
better than experimenting. 

And, Average, we may go back to that ancient 
Greece, composed of its many city-states, and find 
a league of nations, and discover how that league 
resulted, and why. 

And if we should go back and investigate that 
ancient league of nations. Average, we would find 
that the king of one country, possessed of many 
rich gold mines, had been able to dominate the 
whole league, to rule it. 

That ancient king, in his cups said, that he 
didn’t find it much trouble to get any of those 
city-states to comply with his wishes after he had 
managed to get a mule-load of gold through the 
gates of that city. They carried gold on the backs 
of mules then. Average. And the politician was 
inside the city gates. 





86 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


There are mules today, Average; and gold, too. 
And the politician is not absent. The politician! 

“No man’s condition is so base as bis; 

None more accursed than he; for man esteems 
Him hateful, 'cause he seems not what he is: 

Grod hates him, ’cause he is not what he seems; 

What grief is absent, or what mischief can 
Be added to the hate of God and man?’’ 

How would Drawn Democracy be worked in a 
township or small village government I 

Idl explain that to you, too. Average. But 
before we consider how it would be worked in the 
different governments, let us first suppose that the 
qualifications for membership in the governments 
have been agreed upon, made law. These might 
be: law-abiding citizen, over thirty years of age, 
able to read and write, as I stated before, or, they 
might be different, as might seem best to the 
majority. Of course, I can only guess as to what 
would be agreed upon, so we will only suppose 
that those are agreed upon. 

And let us also suppose that for all govern¬ 
ments the term of office for the members has been 
fixed at three years, and that it has been provided 
that one-third of the members shall be chosen 
each year. Of course that, too, is only supposi¬ 
tion, as, after due consideration, it might be con¬ 
sidered advisable to have the term four years and 
one-fourth of the members chosen each year. We 
can only guess at that. 

Then, having the qualifications determined for 
membership in all governments, and the term of 
office fixed, we will imagine a town meeting comes 
round. 

Perhaps for the town government it has been 





APPLICATION 


87 


provided that the board shall consist of nine 
members. At the town meeting all qualified who 
might wish to serve on the board might then offer 
themselves. The drawing would then take place, 
and the three chosen would serve for three years. 

This board would be the governing body of that 
town, the board of directors, and have such full 
authority in all matters as may have been pro¬ 
vided by law^ It would employ a public manager 
to conduct the town business. The public man¬ 
ager would be the town executive. The board 
might have the town manager act as town clerk 
and towm treasurer also, or it might choose others 
to act in those capacities, as it should see fit. 

And all that I have said about the town govern¬ 
ment would apply as well to the small village gov¬ 
ernment. Perhaps in the latter government it 
would be more probable that there would be a 
separation of the treasurership and clerkship. 

But, as I explained to you before, Average, 
there is really not much need of Drawn Democ¬ 
racy in a township or small village government. 
The town board has practically no legislative 
power, being only an administrative board, and 
the town business would be very likely as well 
conducted by having that administrative body 
chosen at a meeting of the people of the town, as 
that would be Real Democracy, anyway. 

And, while the village has some legislative 
power, in so far as village ordinances are legisla¬ 
tion, the village board, or council, is also, only an 
administrative body, and if chosen at a meeting 
of the people, there would be in effect Real Democ¬ 
racy. While we now have several members on 






88 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


both the town and the village board, it is not 
unusual that one man is the ‘‘whole thing/^ And 
this occurs because it is convenient and the man 
may be relied upon to do right. 

It is when we got to the county government, and 
the large city government that Drawn Democracy 
would begin to show its real worth. 

The county board, for instance, might consist 
of fifteen members; perhaps nine would be con¬ 
sidered sufficient. 

The county board would hire a public manager, 
a treasurer, and a book-keeper, or county auditor. 
Perhaps, too, the county superintendent of schools 
would be hired by the board as that is a very dis¬ 
tinct department from ordinary municipal affairs. 

There isnT much question that the county board 
could go down to any one of the banks that now 
are using the county money, generally, free of 
charge, and make an arrangement with that bank 
to have one of its officers act as county treasurer 
on account of that money, free of charge to the 
county. The county auditor might just as well 
perform the duties of register of deeds and clerk 
of court. Of course he might have to hire more 
clerks, but these clerks wouldn’t be so expensive 
to the county as these other clerks, the elected 
register of deeds and clerk of court. The counties 
are paying altogether too much for the service 
they get. There is no reason why a county should 
pay a clerk two or three times as much as private 
corporations do for the same class of work. 

Then, the public manager might act as sheriff, 
personally or through deputies hired for the pur¬ 
pose. And he could attend to all other county 







THE COUNTY 


89 


business, such as looking after roads, bridges and 
so on. 

There would be an immense saving to the 
county by cutting out elections, alone. And then 
there would be further saving in the conduct of 
its public business, so that, there is a probability, 
that a total saving to the county of at least 
twenty-five per cent of the amount now expended 
might be effected, even in the smaller counties, and 
a much larger percentage of savings in larger 
counties. 

That would be business. It is not business 
attaching a high salary to an office and then hav¬ 
ing a free-for-all scramble for the job every 
couple of years. The officers, under Drawn 
Democracy, would be hired by the board and kept 
so long as they performed their duties satisfac¬ 
torily, and thus, more efficient officers would be 
had at all times. 

Some of the officers, in counties, are now being 
paid for doing the work, which they employ cheap 
clerks to do, while they acquire habits of leisure, 
walking round, talking politics, and looking for 
something better. It is not infrequently that a 
good farmer is spoiled by being elected to a county 
office. Counties probably pay five times as much 
for the work, actually done, as private corpora¬ 
tions would pay for the same amount of work. 
Government costs too much as it is now con¬ 
ducted. 

How would Drawn Democracy be applied in a 
city the size of St. Paul? 

There, now. Average, it is getting better. We 
are beginning to get up where the need of Drawn 







90 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


Democracy is still greater, where the change 
would be more marked, and all for the better. 

Perhaps a hoard in a city of the size of St. Paul, 
should consist of forty-five, sixty, or even seventy- 
five, or more; whatever number might seem advis¬ 
able. 

That board would act as a board of directors 
for the city. It would hire a public manager. It 
would, probably, also hire the school supervisor, 
since a public manager could hardly be expected 
to qualify in educational matters as well as munic¬ 
ipal matters; and a city treasurer and a city 
clerk. Just what would be done is a matter of 
supposition, only. Average. I just want to show 
you how it might be done. 

The public manager would employ his subordi¬ 
nates, leaving to them the employment of their 
subordinates, and so on down, to the man who 
washes the windows in the city hall. And if the 
man washing windows didnT do his work prop¬ 
erly, there would be his immediate superior to go 
to, and if no satisfaction was obtained there, his 
superior; and so on up, until that drawn board, 
fair, because fairly chosen, would have the matter 
to right. And it would be righted. There would 
be no passing the buck. No slighting of the mat¬ 
ter because the window washer was the second 
cousin of the man who carries the vote of the 
tenth precinct of the second ward round in his 
vest pocket. Nobody would carry any votes 
around in any pocket under Drawn Democracy, 
Average. 

That public manager might be secured from 
some smaller city where he had made good, might 






THE CITY 


91 


come from another state, even; a business board, 
looking only to the welfare of the City of St. Paul, 
wouldn’t care where he came from. Average, just 
so he was the man that could do the business 
properly, just so he could manage the city affairs 
as they ought to he managed, as a private corpora¬ 
tion manages its affairs. 

You’ll have to guess how much Drawn Democ¬ 
racy would save the tax-payers of the City of St. 
Paul, Average; I have no idea, but I venture to 
state the sum would stagger you. 

Politics would be as dead as a door-nail in your 
city of St. Paul, Average: that is, the mooching 
for political power, the maneuvering to get into 
position to do good—the people good—or the peo¬ 
ple well. 

The City of St. Paul is now under the commis¬ 
sion form of government. The affairs of the city 
are entrusted to six commissioners and a mayor, 
elected, that is, who won out in that contest of 
talking and promising, lately held. They wanted 
the jobs, and they had time to spare and money 
to spend. All who didn’t have time to spare and 
money to spend in contesting for the office were 
barred. 

That contest for government takes place every 
two years. The results of using it to get a govern¬ 
ment in the City of St. Paul are well known. 

I have often been told that one man had run the 
city for more than twenty years. He was the 
political boss. People complained because there 
was a political boss. Why complain about a boss? 
Election always results in a boss. Sometimes the 







BUNKOED & GOSH 


92 


boss is a gang; and we bear of the city-ball gang, 
and tbe court-bouse clique. 

Tbe first political boss that I bave read about, 
Average, was a man named Pisistratus. He was 
called by those whom be bossed, ‘^Pisistratus, tbe 
Tyrant.^’ He took control of tbe government of 
Athens—that same Athens of which I told you a 
little while ago—and that was five hundred and 
sixty years before the birth of Christ. Men are 
slow to learn, aren’t they, Average, when they 
don’t want to? Athens then operated under a con¬ 
stitution which provided for election of a govern¬ 
ment. 

History says of Pisistratus: ‘ ‘ Though he, him¬ 
self, held no office, by reason of his numerous 
friends and his great wealth, he was able to 
control all offices.” And the people liked that so 
well that he received the name ‘ ‘ Tyrant, ’ ’ to more 
fully describe him. He was in control for many 
years. And when he died his place was soon 
taken by another boss. 

Continuing to use election in Athens to get a 
government, discontent continued to increase, 
until there was danger, great danger. Danger to 
the whole state, from the outside, on account of 
the dissensions within; and, danger to the aris¬ 
tocracy within, on account of the hatred prevail¬ 
ing among the masses of the people for that aris¬ 
tocracy which was enabled to rule by reason of 
election. There was a Eed Peril, Average, way 
back in those times. Injustice is productive of 
Eed Perils. 

Facing that Eed Peril, there came to the front 
one Clisthenes, himself an aristocrat, but pos- 





THE COMPROMISE 


93 


sessed of more intelligence and caution than aris¬ 
tocrats have usually displayed through the ages; 
and, he proposed a constitution, which provided 
for choosing the government, the lawmakers, by 
lot. And that constitution was adopted about 
five hundred years before the birth of Christ, 
Athens lived under it; grew great and flourished. 
It remained the constitution so long as Athens 
was free. 

Of course, when Athens adopted that constitu¬ 
tion the aristocratic states, its neighbors, were not 
pleased, and some of the aristocrats within Athens 
preferred election. They wanted to change back. 

At one time some of the other states made war 
on Athens, and succeeded, with the help of the 
aristocrats within, in overthrowing that form of 
government, for a time. The government was 
then placed in control of thirty aristocrats, and 
those thirty aristocrats became, and are known in 
history as, ‘‘The Thirty Tyrants.’’ You may 
judge why. Average. 

However, they didn’t last long. They were 
soon chased out, and the government of Drawn 
Democracy was established again. From that 
time on, Athens went on its way, contented and 
happy, for all of anything that happened within. 

But to get back to our subject, the City of St. 
Paul and its government: Those seven men, 
elected because they were good fellows, because 
they had friends, because they were good, talkers, 
because they were willing to, and had time to 
spare, and money to spend in advertising them¬ 
selves;—those men, without any special experi¬ 
ence in line with the duties which they are called 





94 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


upon to perform, have charge of the expenditure 
of more than SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS! Is 
it any wonder that there were many willing to 
spend time and money in contesting for the posi¬ 
tions 1 

And all this, Average, is not spoken in dis¬ 
paragement of any of those men. They, probably, 
are as efficient as election ever will bring. I am 
only trying to point out to you the lack of effici¬ 
ency in election as a method to get a government. 
Election canT result in anything better. 

Do you not think. Average, that it would be very 
much better for the people of the City of St. Paul 
if Drawn Democracy were practiced by it, and a 
public manager who had had years of experience 
in the business, and who had shown his ability 
along the required lines, should have full charge 
of the city’s business, under the direction of a 
fair board of directors, upon which board you 
would have just as good a chance to sit as any 
other man, without your spending one hour of 
your time or one dollar of your money! 

The only way that public manager could hope 
to hold his position would be by doing the right 
thing. And by doing that he might hope to secure 
still better positions, either with larger city gov¬ 
ernments or the state, or, even the nation. Caught 
in one piece of dishonesty he would be removed, 
as would be done with the cashier of any bank 
today. And removal, for any such reason as that, 
would mean that it would be impossible for him 
to hope to secure a similar position anywhere. 

His profession would be that of Public Man¬ 
ager. It would be his livelihood. It would be the 




PUBLIC MANAGER 


95 


profession for whicli he had trained himself, that 
in which he had acquired special ability. To lose 
that, would mean so much to him that it is not 
likely he would risk it. It^s the best way, Aver¬ 
age. It’s the business way. It’s the efficient way. 
It’s the cheapest way. Think of all the money 
you have to pay for elections, in your taxes; 
money paid to be Bunkoed B ’ Gosh! 

And the state? 

In the state it would he much as I have outlined 
for the City of St. Paul, Average. Probably the 
board would be more numerous, maybe consist of 
one hundred and fifty, or something like that. 
And possibly the board would keep more of the 
department heads directly responsible to it by 
hiring them itself, instead of leaving that to the 
state manager. 

Just what would be done, I can only conjecture. 
But I am very positive that, if the people of the 
state wanted a tonnage tax or anything else, it 
would get it, at once, and from the first board 
drawn. Do you doubt? 

And I think it extremely probable that, if 
Drawn Democracy had been in effect in the state 
since its admission to the Union, those iron mines 
up there would belong to the people now. Average. 
It never would have lost them. Save some 
taxes, wouldn’t it, Average? And there wouldn’t 
be any tonnage tax talk at all. 






The Nation 


^‘Custom is the law of fools.** —Vanburgh. 


Chapteb Six 


The nation? 

The nation; that is the place where Drawn 
Democracy would make a greater difference than 
you may imagine, Average. Let us look a little 
into national matters before examining how 
Drawn Democracy would be applied in the nation. 

In the last three years, Average, a war debt of 
about Thirty Billion Dollars has been created. 
You are the head of a family, consisting of three 
children, your wife and yourself. Your share of 
that national debt. Average, is One Thousand Five 
Hundred Dollars. That is what you will have to 
pay to get rid of it. And every month the interest 
on your share will be about Six Dollars. Six Dol¬ 
lars a month you will pay in a manner, perhaps, 
somewhat roundabout, but you’ll pay it. 

Your government, when it issued the bonds 
which evidence that debt, received Thirty-cent 
Dollars. So, reckoned in Hundred-cent Dollars, 
that debt was only Nine Billion Dollars when it 
was created. And now, there is a movement on 
foot, a movement by the money power, to deflate. 


THE DOLLAR 


97 


which means to make prices lower, or, also, to 
make the Dollar a Hundred-cent Dollar. You 
hear, ‘‘We must get back to normal.’’ And, very 
generally, people think that would he a good thing. 
Average, it doesn’t make any difference where 
prices are, just so they stay steady, and every¬ 
thing is adjusted to them. It makes no difference 
whether wheat is Three Dollars per bushel, or Ten 
Cents per bushel, if the Ten Cents will buy you as 
much as the Three Dollars, and it will, when prices 
are adjusted to that settled scale. 

To deflate. Average, means that those Thirty- 
cent Dollars which the government borrowed and 
which you will have to pay, will be made One- 
hundred-cent Dollars. So, for the Nine Billion 
One-hundred-cent Dollars the government re¬ 
ceived, it will pay Thirty Billion Hundred-cent 
Dollars back. 

That transaction will mean a dead loss of 
Twenty-one Billion Hundred-cent Dollars. Your 
share of that loss, alone, will be a little over One 
Thousand Dollars. That loss could be averted. 
Average. The right kind of a government would 
long ago have taken steps to avoid that. It could 
be done. 

Average, you read in the papers that the Ger¬ 
man Mark is down, so that, it is worth only one 
one-hundredth part of what it was, that the 
French Franc is down, that the Italian Lira is 
down, and that the English Pound is down. But 
you don’t read in the papers that the American 
Dollar is down. No, here, it is prices, that are up. 
That is not true. Average. Prices didn’t really 
go up during the war. The Dollar went down. 




98 


BUNKOED GOSH 


And that is because it is a gold Dollar, Average, 
and gold goes down in war time, as strawberries 
do in the summer time, or as ice does in the winter 
time. 

Your government knows that. Thousands of 
men know it. Your government, if it does not 
know how to remedy that condition, could find out. 
But it is not interested in anything of the kind. 
Ysflmt is your loss, Average, by reason of the 
fluctuation in that Dollar, is the gain of the power 
that controls your government. That power 
would never let the change be made. And any 
who propose such a change will be considered its 
enemy. 

Your government could adopt a Dollar that 
would not go up or down, whether it were summer 
time or winter time, war time or peace time. All 
it would have to do would be to use a Dollar that 
meant a certain weight of some commodity that 
does not go up or down, or, thinking the other 
way, that goes up and down, as the other neces¬ 
saries of life do. That never will be done until 
there is Drawn Democracy. 

Now, Average, you will hear some man say, 
‘ ‘ That couldn T be done. ^ ’ He is the man who said 
they couldn T have ships go under the water, and 
that they never could fly. And he is a direct lineal 
descendant of the man who said they never could 
sail round the world, ‘^Because when they get on 
the other side, they will fall off. ’ ’ 

Way back in the ages of savagerj^. Average, 
men picked on gold to use for money because it 
was the lightest load, with respect to value. The 
intelligence employed in so picking it was no 





GOLD 


99 


greater than that of the average boy of five years, 
who picks a light stone to throw, instead of a 
heavy one. Why, even donkeys know enough to 
prefer a light load! That Federal Eeserve Note 
that you have in your pocket is a promise to pay 
you a certain weight of gold. It could just as well 
be a promise to pay you a certain weight of food. 
And if it were a promise to pay a certain weight 
of food, you can readily see that it wouldnT go 
down in purchasing power in war time, or any 
other time. 

It is just the way you think of these things. 
Average. You think it is perfectly natural for 
the weather to become warm in July, and it is, 
if you are thinking of the northern hemisphere; 
but, if you are thinking of the southern hemi¬ 
sphere, it is perfectly natural for the weather to 
become cold in July. 

And so it is with prices. You think it is per¬ 
fectly natural for prices to go up in war time, and 
it is, if you are thinking of gold; but, if you are 
thinking of grain, for instance, it is perfectly 
natural, for things as necessary as grain, to stay 
steady, not to move either up or down, and per- 
pectly natural for all other things not so neces¬ 
sary as grain to go down in price. 

There is one loss to you. Average, which will 
be about One Thousand Dollars when the gentle¬ 
men have deflated, or ^ ‘ got back to normal. ’ ^ And 
that loss the government could have prevented if 
it looked after your interests as the farmer looks 
after the farm, or as the father and mother look 
after the interests of their children. 

And, it is true. Average, that the operating 





100 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


expenses of your government for the coming year 
will be Six Billion Dollars, approximately. Your 
share of that expense, which you will have to pay 
without question, will be Three Hundred Dollars, 
since you are the head of the family. Drawn 
Democracy would save the disgraceful waste in 
governmental expenditure. Average, and that 
would be, without doubt, as much as twenty-five 
per cent. I think fifty per cent would be nearer 
correct. And your share of that twenty-five per 
cent saving. Average, would be Seventy-five 
Dollars. 

So, you see. Average, Drawn Democracy is not 
only a matter of abstract justice, but is a matter 
of Dollars and Cents with you. When you come 
to consider what it would save you in the national 
government, the state government, the city gov¬ 
ernment and the county government, you can see 
that you can go out and spend Seventy-five Dol¬ 
lars to put Drawn Democracy through—which 
would be, at a conservative estimate, what it 
would save you in the national government in one 
year—and then, when you get it, the first year of 
its operation you will have as clear profit all that 
it will save you in the state, the city and the county 
governments. And every year after that it will 
pay more than One Hundred per cent dividend on 
your investment of Seventy-five Dollars. 

That Thirty Billion Hundred-cent Dollars, that 
is to be paid for the Nine Billion Hundred-cent 
Dollars actually received, is going to be paid, 
Average, in commodities produced by the toilers 
of the nation, the farmers, the men who work in 
the factories, in the mines, on the railroads, in the 





THE LOSS 


101 


woods, and so on, going to be paid by the toilers 
of today or their sons and daughters, to those who 
rule today, or their sons and daughters. And that 
extra Twenty-one Billion, for which no value was 
received, will enable many a man of today, and his 
descendants for many generations to come, to live 
off the fat of the land, without either toiling or 
spinning. 

Twenty-one Billion Dollars lost! The human 
mind is incapable of comprehending what Twenty- 
one Billion Dollars means. Average. 

If Two Million soldiers went across to France, 
and each soldier had taken forty-two pounds of 
pure gold, Troy weight, and thrown it into the 
deepest part of the sea, that would represent a 
loss of Twenty-one Billion Dollars. 

Average, let’s calculate a little: A gold dollar 
weighs 25.8 grains. And Twenty-one Billion Dol¬ 
lars would weigh Five Hundred and Forty-one 
Billion grains. Seven Thousand grains make one 
pound avoirdupois. So, Five Hundred and Forty- 
one Billion grains would equal Seventy-seven Mil¬ 
lion Four Hundred Thousand pounds. And there 
are Two Thousand pounds in a ton. So, reduced 
to tons, it would be Thirty-eight Thousand Seven 
Hundred tons. 

Suppose we made up our minds to haul that 
amount of gold dollars with teams, loading each 
wagon with one ton. We would hire a man to load 
up the wagons. Let us say the man would load 
a ton every forty minutes—which would be work¬ 
ing fast—and that he works eight hours per day. 
Then he would load twelve tons per day. 

Let him load up the first team and drive that 






102 


BUNKOED GOSH 


team into the road and let it stand there until the 
other teams are loaded. Average, if that man 
worked three hundred days per year, that first 
team would have to stand in the road waiting for 
more than ten years. 

Well, then, we would finally get the teams all 
loaded. Then we would start them out, allowing 
to each team and wagon two rods space on the 
road—thirty-three feet—which would be close for 
teaming purposes. That procession of teams and 
wagons would be over Two Hundred and Forty- 
one miles long. Traveling at the rate of Twenty- 
four miles per day, it would take that procession 
ten days to pass a given point. 

And now let us find where the procession will 
come from and in what direction it will move. 
Average, your share of the national debt being 
Fifteen Hundred Hollars, if you have that amount 
of government bonds, your account balances. It 
will make no difference to you that the dollar goes 
up or down. But if you have less than Fifteen 
Hundred Dollars of government bonds you will 
be a loser; and if you have more than Fifteen 
Hundred Dollars of government bonds you will 
gain by moving the dollar back to one hundred 
cents. 

That procession of teams. Average, will move 
from those men who have less than Fifteen Hun¬ 
dred Dollars of government bonds to those who 
have more than Fifteen Hundred Dollars of gov¬ 
ernment bonds. It will start from Poverty Flat 
for Aristocratic Avenue. Down on the Flat each 
will contribute his full share of the loss and re¬ 
ceive nothing back. As the procession begins to 





THE FINDERS 


103 


near Aristocratic Avenue, those along the way 
will contribute their full share but will also receive 
something back, until, finally, number Fifteen 
Hundred is arrived at. There, as much will be 
thrown otf as is taken on. After that, all along 
the Avenue, more will be thrown otf than is taken 
on. The more bonds each has, the more will he 
receive from that procession of teams. In other 
words, the richer the man is, the more he will get 
from those who lose. 

Average, that procession will move from the 
Poor to the Eich. It will make the Poor, poorer yet. 
And it will make the Rich, richer yet. And that 
will not be the only procession. Average. There 
will be another start, from all who contracted 
debts, to all who lent money. And that will be a 
long one. And what will he going on in this coun¬ 
try will be going on in every other country of the 
world. Average, where gold is the standard of 
value. Poor, made poorer; Rich made richer. 

Is it any wonder that a great bank in New York 
City sent out, in its monthly bulletin to its cus¬ 
tomers, the warning: There must be no tamper¬ 
ing with the gold standard, as it is the basis of our 
prosperity.’^ The scales aren’t right, Average, 
when they are the basis of anybody’s prosperity. 

If that procession of teams loaded with gold 
were moving from the Rich to the Poor, instead 
of from the Poor to the Rich, how long do you 
think it would take that congress to stop it by 
changing to a dollar that didn’t expand and con¬ 
tract? That door was slammed in your face. 
Average, when the meeting was held, because you 
were going to be Bunkoed B ’ Gosh! 






104 


BUNKOED GOSH 


If you are a wise man you will get to work at 
once, with your neighbors, to arrange so that all 
will have an equal chance to go in that door. You 
may organize, and organize, forever. Nothing but 
the open door will do you justice. That^s the 
truth. Average. 

Average, it would be a good business proposi¬ 
tion for you to leave off your usual work for a 
few days, and get round and explain Drawn 
Democracy to your neighbors. You’ll be getting 
ahead financially much faster, than by staying 
home, working. You are like a man who is milk¬ 
ing into a pail that is leaking. The pail would get 
full much sooner, if he would lay off milking a 
little while, and stop the leak. 

Read this news item. Average, that I cut from 
the columns of my evening paper, the St. Paul Dis¬ 
patch, last night: 

GOVERNMENT PAYS $48 

FOR FIFTY CENT HINGE 

New York, Nov. 27.—Testimony 
tending to show alleged abuse of the 
cost-plus form of contract in repairs 
to Shipping Board vessels was given 
here today before the congressional 
committee investigating Shipping 
Board affairs by Harold P.. Hanes, an 
examiner of the board’s auditing de¬ 
partment. 

The witness said that at Norfolk, 

Va., he saw a bill for $48, which had 
been paid for putting a 50-cent hinge 
on a galley door. A machinist, he as¬ 
serted, was employed to cut the hinge 
from a heavy piece of steel instead of 
going out and buying it. 

He testified twenty-five men had 
been sent aboard a ship and remained 
there one week and were allowed pay 
for thirty-nine hours a day. 

Discovery of silverware marked “U. 

S. Shipping Board” in a hotel at 








GRAFT 


105 


Yokohama, and street vendors selling 
Shipping board linen at La Pallice al¬ 
so was testified to. 

The witness said that on January 
15 last he had heard a report that 
sailors on board a ship undergoing re¬ 
pairs at the Cramp & Co. yards had 
signed and sealed a statement alleging 
that the repair work was not being 
properly done. The sailors had made 
it a condition, he said, that their state¬ 
ment was not to be opened unless 
something happened to the ship after 
it had sailed. 

Now, Average, tell me the truth. From the in¬ 
mates of which penitentiary, do you think a gov¬ 
ernment should be drawn, to get one, under which 
you would have to pay more for a fifty-cent hinge? 

Paying that kind of prices, Average, will bring 
you to a point where you will have to try to get 
in thirty-nine hours per day, too. 

That is your silverware in that hotel in Yoko¬ 
hama, Average. What are you doing? Moving? 
And that is your linen that is being peddled in 
La Pallice, Average. Are you selling out? 

And that ship, Average, calls to mind your Ship 
of State. ^^Sail on! Oh! Ship of State!’^ It 
doesn’t sail. Average. It is isn’t being sailed. It 
isn’t being navigated. It is drifting with the 
current of events, while the crew on board is busy 
looting, and throwing the cargo over board to the 
pirates who put them in charge. Drifting with the 
current of events. Average, and there are Rapids 
ahead, and Rocks below. That’s your ship, Aver¬ 
age, and you better do what I tell you to do, if you 
want to save it. 

And that cost-plus business, Average, reminds 
me of the Federal Reserve Bank, which is run on 








106 


BUNKOED K GOSH 


a sort of cost-plus, basis, too. Cost-plus, Average, 
means cost, plus a certain per cent of profit? For 
instance, the government might let a contract for 
the building of a ship and agree to pay the cost, 
whatever it might be, plus ten per cent profit. 

The Federal Keserve Act provides that the Fed¬ 
eral Eeserve Bank shall have power to issue 
money—Federal Eeserve Notes. As originally 
passed, the law provided that, after paying the 
stockholders six per cent dividend, the bank 
might retain one half of the excess profit, and 
that only until it had accumulated a surplus of 
forty per cent of its capital stock. That law was 
amended in the year 1919 so that the Federal 
Eeserve Bank may retain, after paying six per 
cent dividend to the stockholders, all of the ex¬ 
cess profit over that, until such time as it shall 
have accumulated a surplus of one hundred per 
cent of its capital stock, and, thereafter, it may 
retain ten per cent of the excess over six per cent, 
which ten per cent goes into the surplus. Thus, 
you will see, an enormous surplus is accumulated, 
some of the banks having already accumulated 
the hundred per cent surplus. 

The purpose in organizing the Federal Eeserve 
Bank was to do away with money panics. And 
it will do that, Average. For, if the people should 
begin to draw money out of the banks, and to hide 
it away, the Federal Eeserve Bank may issue 
more money, so that the banks will never get out 
of money, no matter how long a run may last. It 
is a pretty good thing to stop money panics. 
Average. 

That Federal Eeserve Bank is controlled by a 





PRICE FIXERS 


107 


board of governors, consisting of seven members, 
appointed by the President and confirmed by the 
Senate. Do you doubt that they are very likely 
to be politicians! That board has all that capital 
under its control, and all that surplus. It may 
determine the rate of interest that it shall charge 
for money, may determine that it will lend no 
money for any particular purpose or purposes, 
as, for instance, for buying automobiles or farms. 
Therefore, it may determine that it will lend no 
more money for any purpose, as a consequence. 
Thus, it may tighten up on money; and then, it 
may loosen up on money. When money is easy, 
prices go up; and when money is tight, prices go 
down. So, that board has it within its power to 
fix the level of prices, to determine whether prices 
shall be high, or low. That is quite a power to 
exercise. Average. You and I could atford to pay 
millions just for the privilege of exercising that 
power, only. 

For instance, we could go out and sell a lot of 
grain and securities on the stock market, for 
future delivery. Then we could tighten up on 
the money. That would make grain and stocks 
fall in price on the market. When the grain and 
stocks got low, we could buy, and deliver to those 
to whom we had contracted to sell. And, by so 
doing, we could make a pretty penny. 

And then, we could buy some more grain and 
stocks to hold, loosen up on the money, make 
money easier. And that would make prices for 
grain and stocks go up on the market. Then, we 
could sell our grain and stocks, and make another 
pretty penny. Average, we would have to hire 







108 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


clerks to count the money that we could make in 
that way. 

Of course, I do not know that it is being done. 
But I do know that such a power should not be in 
the hands of anybody. Money should increase 
and decrease in volume according to the natural 
law of supply and demand, as grain and other 
commodities do. 

Suppose, for instance, we had a grain dollar, 
and money got tight. The farmers would bring 
in grain, and get grain certificates, which would 
be money, for it. Thus, the money market would 
loosen up. And then, when money became easy, 
men would bring grain certificates to the govern¬ 
ment and draw out grain, thus, tightening up on 
money a little. In that way, the volume of money 
would be automatically, naturally, adjusted, and 
it would save any board worrying over the mat¬ 
ter, and cutting and fitting as it thought best. Any 
board is apt to be, at least, prejudiced and swayed 
according to the interests of the particular mem¬ 
bers of that board. And, the interests of the mem¬ 
bers of that board may not be the interests of the 
whole people. 

Using a grain dollar would save the people all 
of the annoyances and losses due to the fluctua¬ 
tions in the prices of the necessaries of life, which 
cause the variations in the cost of living. For, it 
is a fact, easily found to be true, if one will only 
stop to think, that the average price of grain stays 
level with the average price of the necessaries of 
life, always. 

Under the use of the gold dollar. Average, in 
war time, the dollar falls in price. Gold can’t 




GRAIN DOLLAR 


109 


stand up with the necessaries, because it isn^t so 
useful, so necessary. It is so cheap now that they 
can’t afford to mine it, and the gold miners are 
trying to have the government grant a bonus of 
ten dollars per ounce on the production of gold. 

But, it takes a certain amount of money to carry 
on the business of exchange, of buying and sell¬ 
ing, and it takes more Thirty-cent Dollars than it 
would Hundred-cent Dollars, just as it takes more 
one-bushel sacks to handle the grain from a grain 
separator than it would two-bushel sacks. So, 
since the dollar shrinks in war time, and more are 
required to do the business, substitute dollars are 
issued—Federal Reserve Notes—and you pay a 
good high rate of interest. 

If the dollar were grain, instead of gold—and it 
could be just as well, now, since we do not carry 
the gold around anyway—prices would not rise in 
war time, remarkable as it may seem to you. And, 
there would be no need of Federal Reserve Notes, 
or any substitute dollar. The grain dollar would 
do the work all the time. When war time came 
the prices of luxuries, like gold, would fall. That 
would be the difference. Are you more interested 
in luxuries than in the necessaries, Average? 

Last spring the Federal Reserve Board thought 
it was time to start the business of deflating a lit¬ 
tle bit, the business of making the dollar worth a 
little more. And why not ? Nearly all the govern¬ 
ment bonds had been bought up by that time, at a 
good discount, and had largely got into the hands 
of the money power. So, why not make them 
worth more? Money was tightened up a little: 
interest rates were raised. Prices began to go 






BUNKOED F GOSH 


110 


down; for, money is like any commodity, the more 
of it there is, the cheaper it is; and the less of it 
there is, the higher it is. Prices depend upon the 
amount of money in circulation, upon the value of 
the dollar in which prices are measured. And, of 
course, reckoned in a more valuable dollar, prices 
will be less. They did become less, due to that 
tightening up by the Federal Reserve Board. 

When the farmer got ready to sell his products, 
he determined prices were too low, and he would 
hold for higher prices. That is one way to do it; 
but you tell the farmer for me, Average, that he 
would do better to get on that Federal Reserve 
Board, and loosen up on the money. That will do 
it surely and soon. Seems to me I did hear some¬ 
thing about there going to be more farmers in the 
government. You tell the farmers for me. Aver¬ 
age, that on that Federal Reserve Board is the 
best place, ever. 

That Federal Reserve Board is moving the dol¬ 
lar up towards a hundred cents, getting back to 
‘‘normal.^’ Of course, the farmer, who used to 
get Tiiirty-cent Dollars for his products, canT rea¬ 
sonably expect to get so many Sixty-cent Dollars, 
even if it is true that he must take that Sixty-cent 
Dollar, and pay with it, a Thirty-cent Dollar debt. 
Of course, by paying a Thirty-cent Dollar debt 
with a Sixty-cent Dollar, the farmer loses—really 
pays twice as much—but what is that between 
friends! Of course the farmer, and everyone who 
owes any debt, will lose a lot while we move back 
to normal, but, what is so lost, is all gained by 
those who hold liberty bonds, notes, mortgages, 
and so on. So, why should the farmer and those 







TARIFFS 


111 


who bought homes on time complain? It isn’t so 
bad, as it would be, if they lost and nobody gained. 

And now comes the farmers’ friend, Mr. Politi¬ 
cian. He takes the platform. He is out in the 
land with a sort of ‘‘stop-thief” cry, to divert the 
farmer’s attention from the true cause of the fall 
in prices. Politician says we ought to have a tariff 
against that Canadian wheat. He says that 
Canadian wheat is what made prices of wheat low. 
He knows that isn’t true. Average. You ought to 
know Politician isn’t in practice handling truth. 
He is only fixing up for another bunko game, fix¬ 
ing up the way for his master. Politician wants 
the farmer to demand a tariff on wheat, and then 
he’ll fix a tariff for his master. 

Think, Average, we export wheat, and so does 
Canada, and to the same markets in Europe. It 
doesn’t make a bit of difference whether Canada 
routes her wheat through our country or through 
her own country. It eventually reaches the same 
market anyway, where it is sold in competition 
with our wheat. Putting up a tariff against the 
Canadian wheat raiser of the Northwest would do 
the American farmer no more good than it would 
do a farmer, whose neighbor was taking a short¬ 
cut to town with a load of wheat through that 
farmer’s land, to make that neighbor go round the 
road. 

If you can’t believe that. Average, go to Poli¬ 
tician and ask him how the Canadian brought 
down the price of cattle, hogs, sheep, wool, chick¬ 
ens, tobacco, corn and cotton. In what part of 
Canada do they raise corn, cotton and tobacco. 
Average? 




BUNKOED F GOSH 


]]2 


That’s Politician for yon every time, Average. 
I’d like to tell you just what I think of him but I 
can’t use that kind of language here. 

That Canadian wheat isn’t the reason at all, 
Average. It is because the dollar is being made 
more valuable, is being moved up towards one 
hundred cents, toward ^‘normal.” Didn’t you 
hear them say, ^‘We must get back to normal, 
gradually.” Why must we? Why go back to 
‘^normal”? And what is ‘^normal”? Why, a 
thousand years ago, gold was worth one hundred 
times as much as it is today; and in 1896 it was 
worth twice as much as it was in 1913. Do they 
mean to go back to 1913, or to 1896; or, are they 
going back a thousand years? They are going 
back just as far as they can. Average. Just as far 
as they can; going back until it hurts, but not un¬ 
til it hurts more than what it is thought you will 
stand. You are going to ‘‘give until it hurts.” 

I tell you, Average, no man, nor board should 
have the power to move the dollar either up or 
down, no more than the power to increase or de¬ 
crease the weight of a pound or a ton. It is not 
necessary that anybody should have that power. 
If the right kind of a dollar, a common-sense dol¬ 
lar were in use, the law of supply and demand 
would take care of that matter. If the right kind 
of a dollar were in use the right to issue money 
would not have to be farmed out to anyone on a 
cost-plus basis. 

Using the grain dollar. Average, the govern¬ 
ment wouldn’t have to receive all the grain. All 
it would have to do would be stand ready to re¬ 
ceive it. That would hold the amount of grain, 







A BONUS 


113 


fixed as a dollar, steady. Gold and luxuries would 
fluctuate, not grain, and the necessaries of life. 
The speculator would have to speculate in lux¬ 
uries, and not in what we eat, if we had a grain 
dollar. Average. The farmer would always know 
what he would get for his grain, just as the gold 
miner knows today just how many dollars he will 
get for his gold. And, when the farmer knew 
what he would get for his grain he would also 
know just about what he would get for his cattle, 
sheep, cotton, wool and so on. Farming would be 
less a gamble. And there wouldn’t be any need 
of any co-operative selling companies. That is 
the way for the government to co-operate with the 
farmer. Average; co-operate as it co-operates with 
the gold miner. 

Perhaps the farmer won’t believe you, Average, 
when you tell him what I say about the tariff on 
wheat, and so on. In that case you tell him for 
me, to go to his friend Politician and say: ‘^Now, 
Politician, I know you are my friend. I know you 
have done me a lot of good. I’ve read it in the 
papers. And I know you mean all right with this 
tariff on wheat and other things I raise. But, you 
know. Politician, I’m not very good at figures. 
And I’m not an expert on tariffs and things like 
that. And I’ll confess to you, Politician, that I 
don’t really know whether a tariff on that Cana¬ 
dian wheat would help me or not. Now there is a 
bill pending to pay a bonus to the gold miner. 
Seems to me that bonus bill is easier to under¬ 
stand. Of course a tariff for me may be better 
than a bonus. But, just the same, if you don’t 
mind will you please put the tariff on gold and 







114 


BUNKOED GOSH 


give me tlie bonus on wheat? You see, I may be 
loser by asking for that change but 1^11 understand 
it better and it will be clear to me. And I^d rather 
get a little less, and know that I am getting it, than 
to get more, and be in doubt whether I am really 
getting it. ^ ’ 

If the farmer will only make that very reason¬ 
able demand upon Politician and the newspapers 
who are serving the Interests, he will soon find 
out that there is a vast difference. The gold miner 
knows there is a difference. He isn’t asking for 
a tariff. He is asking for a bonus. If a tariff on 
wheat raises the price of wheat in this country, 
Average, the people will have to pay it. If a bonus 
is placed on gold production, the people will have 
to pay that, too. So, as far as the people is con¬ 
cerned it might just as well be paying the farmer 
a bonus on wheat production as paying a higher 
price caused by a tariff. The farmer should in¬ 
sist that the tariff protect the gold miner and that 
the bonus be reserved for that farmer’s protec¬ 
tion. So far as the farmer is concerned, there is 
the same difference between a bonus on his prod¬ 
ucts and a tariff on his products. Average, that 
there is between a real share in the government, 
and a bogus share, that there is between real de¬ 
mocracy, and bogus democracy, between repre¬ 
sentation and misrepresentation. A bonus would 
really help: a tariff, not a bit. 

They have raised the freight rates and passen¬ 
ger rates, in dollars. Average, and they are now 
raising the dollar. If Mr. Farmer doesn’t wake 
up and insist upon the game being played in a way 
that he knows is fair, he may soon come to the day 







HARD TIMES 


115 


when, on shipping a car-load of potatoes to mar¬ 
ket he will receive, in return, a draft against him 
for the difference between the freight and what 
that car-load sold for: all, just as it once was. 
Average. Just as it was when thousands of 
tramps flooded the country and the plutocrat said: 
' ‘ They wouldn’t work if they got a job.’’ The jobs 
came. Average, and the tramps showed that false¬ 
hood up, by all going to work. 

It is just as much to the interest of every other 
man. Average, who expects to give value received 
for what he gets, to have a government obtained 
in a way that he knows is fair, as it is to the 
farmer. And it is just as much to the interest of 
every other man, Average, who expects to con¬ 
tribute fairly to the welfare of his fellows, in re¬ 
turn for what he receives, that there should be in 
use an honest dollar, as it is to the farmer. With 
a grain dollar in use, if the workingman got an 
increase of so much as one kernel, it would be a 
real increase. He would be that much better off. 
Using a grain dollar, he could no longer be jock¬ 
eyed with bogus increases that were really not in¬ 
creases at all. Every workingman, every honest 
man, no matter what his occupation may be, 
should put his shoulder to the wheel and push for 
a government likely to give us an honest dollar to 
use. The wage-earner should boost for a real dol¬ 
lar instead of a trick dollar before he talks about 
wages at all. It is his business to get out and work 
for a method that will let him, and the farmer, and 
every other producer of real wealth, have his 
proper share in the government. 

This is a great country. Average. But Politi- 









116 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


cians didn’t make it a great country; political par¬ 
ties didn’t make it a great country. It was a great 
country before they came. God made it a great 
country. Men came here because it was great, 
and prepared it for civilized habitation. It is 
what it is now because of what the people have 
done. Everything of good in this country, every¬ 
thing of good in this world that has been achieved, 
has been achieved by the people who forced it 
through, often at the cost of rivers of blood. Poli¬ 
ticians never did anything good until forced to by 
the people. The people should govern—that’s 
Democracy. 

That dollar. Average, is only one little thing 
that I would expect to be fixed up, with a willing 
government, a fair government, a government 
looking after the welfare of the whole people, in 
power. There are a lot more odd jobs that could 
be done around the place. Average, that would 
make life easier for you, and that you may reason¬ 
ably expect to be done by a government devoted 
to your interests. 

And that congressional investigation. Average, 
reminds me: Did you ever hear how that con¬ 
gressional investigation, for which One Hundred 
Thousand Dollars was appropriated to investi¬ 
gate the cause of the high cost of living, came out? 
Investigating is the best thing that congress does. 
Average. I wonder if this investigating commit¬ 
tee, Average, is investigating to find out who 
cheated; or, only where the money is? One thing 
is sure: you will pay for it; but you’ll have to wait 
and see, until which time you may remain Bun¬ 
koed B ’ Gosh! 






NATIONAL GOVERNMENT 


117 


The condition of affairs that I have shown you, 
Average, Drawn Democracy will remedy; and 
now, let us get to the application of Drawn Democ¬ 
racy to the nation. 

In that government, Average, it would prob¬ 
ably be advisable to have a board somewhere 
round six hundred members. That, it seems to 
me, would be plenty large enough, and yet, small 
enough so that it could meet conveniently for the 
purpose of transacting business. That board 
would be supreme. 

It would be the government, and the whole 
government of the nation. There would be no 
senate, and no president with any control over 
legislation such as he has now, by trading appoint¬ 
ments for votes on measures. He would have no 
veto power. The veto power isnT a power exer¬ 
cised in favor of the people, Average. It is a 
power exercised against it. Why should any man 
have the right to veto an act of the representa¬ 
tives of the people? Why is he any more apt to 
be right than any other member of congress? 
Why should he decry autocrats, and then, turn 
round and exercise the power of an autocrat him¬ 
self? Bunkoed B ^ Gosh! 

Possibly that board would have the heads of the 
various departments directly responsible to it, 
coming to it for suggestions or advice in any mat¬ 
ters. That might be found advisable. Just how 
things would be worked, you see, would depend 
upon which way was found most satisfactory. 
Any change advisable would be made immediately 
it was wished. 

The power of the supreme court to declare laws 




118 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


unconstitutional would be abolished, without 
doubt. It should be always for those who have 
the power to change the constitution to declare 
whether the law is within or without it. And the 
power of the supreme court to interpret a law in 
such a way, that it is made to mean the opposite 
to what it apparently means, would probably be 
done away with, too. When there is any mis¬ 
understanding, as to what a man means by the 
language he has used, the proper place to go to 
settle that question is right to that man. So, the 
proper place to go to find out what a law passed 
by the congress means should be right back to 
that congress itself. 

Time and again the law has been interpreted 
by the courts in such a way that the law never 
would have been passed if it had been thought 
to mean what the court finally said it meant. 

And while we are on the subject of courts. Aver¬ 
age, let me tell you what was the practice in 
Athens under Drawn Democracy. Those queer 
people actually chose the members of their 
supreme court by lot! They actually thought that 
was fair to everybody. And they were more inter¬ 
ested in getting a court that would be fair to 
everybody than they were in getting a court that 
would be likely to decide in any particular way. 

To apply their practice to our circumstances the 
members of all our supreme courts would be 
chosen by lot from reputable experienced 
lawyers, who had reached a certain age. Just 
thing of that. Average! How reckless I A trust, 
in before that kind of a court, would be in the 
position of the Irishman, who, coming tremblingly 





SUPREME COURTS 


119 


in to be tried on a criminal charge, on being- 
assured by his lawyer that he need have no fear, 
as he would get justice there; replied, ‘‘Bejab- 
bers, that is just what I am afraid of.'' Justice 
is what the trust is afraid of. Average, not injus¬ 
tice. 

Contrast the method of getting a supreme 
court, used by the Athenians, with our method. 
The members of our supreme court are named by 
the President, and the nominations approved by 
the Senate. And a man just spent several hundred 
thousand dollars to get into that Senate! While 
more men have just spent several million dollars 
to elect a President! Do you think it is any won¬ 
der there are Eeds? 

And, while we are on the subject of the nation 
under Drawn Democracy, we might say a little 
about how congress would conduct its business. 

There would be a presiding officer, you know, 
and to be sure that he didn't favor one interest, 
to the exclusion of others, all interests would be 
protected by having the presiding officer for each 
day, chosen by lot from those who should volun¬ 
teer. Turn about would be fair play there, you 
see. 

And of course congress would have to act very 
often through committees. Perhaps thirty or 
forty men would be on each committee, and a good 
fair way would be to choose the members of the 
committees by lot from those who should volun¬ 
teer for service on such committee. Looks like 
everything might be arranged all fairly by men 
fairly drawn, doesn't it? 








The Plan 


nue look more closely, nve shall find 
Most hanje the seeds of judgement in their mind. ” 
—Pope 


Chaptee Seven 


Would the drawings be fairly conducted! 

Oh! Yes, Average. It is not easy to conduct an 
unfair drawing, and surely not so easy as an 
unfair election. I will outline one way in which 
the drawings might be conducted: 

All desiring to volunteer as legislators will go 
to the clerk of the voting precinct and register. 
Each will receive a numbered card. AYhen the 
time to register has expired, each precinct clerk 
will send to the county auditor a statement of 
the number registered in that precinct. 

Thus, the county auditor will learn the number 
registered in the whole county. And he will send 
to the secretary of state a statement of such 
number. Thus, the secretary of state will learn 
the number registered in the whole state. And 
the latter will prepare numbered cards, as many 
as required for the whole state. He will then 
send to each county auditor as many cards as 
there are registrants in that county, and each 
county auditor will then send to each precinct 




DRAWING 


121 


clerk as many of those cards as there are regis¬ 
trants in that precinct. 

Of course there will have to be a specified date 
on which registration shall close in the precinct, 
a specified time within which the precinct clerk 
shall forward his statement to the county auditor, 
a specified time within which the county auditor 
shall forward his statement to the secretary of 
state, and another specified time within which the 
latter shall send the cards to the county auditor, 
and still another, within which the county auditor 
shall send the cards to the precinct. Allowance 
being made for all such time, there will then be a 
specified day on which the drawing will take place 
at the capitol building. 

The drawing will be conducted, perhaps, by the 
secretary of state in public, as many holding 
cards being admitted as possible, to see that it is 
all fairly done. And the drawing may be con¬ 
ducted in the following manner: A wheel bearing 
the ten digits, 0 to 9, inclusive, on its circumfer¬ 
ence, and a movable spindle will be provided, to 
be operated in full view of those assembled. 

Numbers on the cards distributed by the secre¬ 
tary of state will be made to have as many digits 
as the highest numbered card given out, by pre¬ 
fixing ciphers to the numbers, where necessary, 
for that purpose. 

Thus, if the highest number should be 150,000, 
which has six digits, all numbers will be made to 
have six digits by prefixing ciphers, and the num¬ 
ber ONE would read 000,001. 

Then, to draw a number the spindle will have to 
be spun six separate times, or, as many times as 




122 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


there are digits in the highest number given out. 
Each time the spindle stops, one digit will be indi¬ 
cated by it. 

If it should stop, the first time, on 0, the second 
on 0, the third on 0, the fourth on 2, the fifth on 4, 
and the sixth on 6; the number 246 would be the 
number drawn, and the volunteer holding that 
number would be the one chosen for whatever 
body was being drawn. The drawing would then 
proceed in this way until the required number 
were drawn. 

The drawing conducted by the secretary of state 
will be for the state Council of Elders, and for the 
congressmen from the state. If there are distinct 
legislative and congressional districts as at pres¬ 
ent, the drawing will be conducted by the secre¬ 
tary of state, but with a little variation. However, 
the practice of having distinct legislative and con¬ 
gressional districts will probably be done away 
with, for the state Council of Elders will be drawm 
to represent the people of the whole state, as is 
really the case now, anyway. 

At present we say that this man represents 
such a legislative district in the legislature. Thai 
is not really true. The whole legislature repre¬ 
sents the people of the state. True representa¬ 
tion, representation in the sense that we use it in 
connection with the government, cannot be by one 
man, for true representation is by sample, and 
one man canT be a sample of anything—he is only 
a specimen. 

Under Drawn Democracy we may continue to 
have the state divided into legislative districts as 
at present, or draw from the whole state as a 




INTERESTED REPRESENTATIVES 


123 


whole. It really would make no difference. By 
drawing from the whole state, as a whole, it will 
all average, anyway. And the theory of repre¬ 
sentation by interest or class does away with any 
necessity for having districts to draw from. Each 
man drawn will be there to represent his interest, 
his class. The farmers in the drawn legislature 
will represent the farmers in the state, the work¬ 
ing men in the drawn legislature will represent 
the working men in the state, the bankers in the 
legislature will represent the bankers in the state, 
and so on. 

The farmers in a particular district now may be 
relying upon representation by a lawyer in the 
legislature. Under drawn democracy they will 
be relying upon representation by farmers. And 
farmers, represented by farmers in the legisla¬ 
ture, no matter from where in the state the repre¬ 
sentatives may come, will have their interests 
better safe-guarded than if represented by a 
lawyer, a newspaper man, or a* banker, even if he 
does come from their neighborhood. 

The results of the drawing conducted by the 
secretary of state will be published, and those 
holding the numbers drawn will present their 
cards and receive their certificates of having been 
chosen. It may be provided by law that, in case of 
a vacancy occurring at any time, the one holding 
the next higher number to the number held by the 
one whose place is vacated, will be entitled to the 
place so made vacant, and for this purpose, in 
order that there may be a number higher than the 
highest number, the number ONE will be consid¬ 
ered to be higher than the highest. Thus, there 




124 


BUNKOED GOSH 


never will have to be more than one drawing in 
the year, and vacancies will cause no disturbance. 

Drawings for all other hoards may be conducted 
in the same way. There will be no difficulty to 
have a fair drawing, and a drawing that all will 
be sure is fair. And the whole drawing will not 
cost the tax-payers of the state as much as one 
county election costs the tax-payers of the county. 
Average, it costs you a lot of money to get 
Bunkoed Gosh! 

Do I think Drawn Democracy will ever come! 

Yes, Average, I am sure of it, unless civiliza¬ 
tion goes to ruin. The world has been moving 
toward Drawn Democracy for a thousand years. 
All the changes that occurred in Athens while it 
was making progress toward Drawn Democracy 
have been occurring in this world, though in some 
nations the progress has been more rapid than 
in others. 

Take England, for instance: A thousand years 
ago it was an autocracy, the king ruling alone. 
Then the lords gathered round and demanded a 
share in the government. They finally got it, and 
government went on that way for a time. Then 
the common people demanded a voice in the gov¬ 
ernment. And a house of commons was set up. 
Only those having quite a large amount of wealth 
were permitted to vote for members of the com¬ 
mons at first. Those below, the radical, kept agi¬ 
tating, and the property qualification required to 
vote was gradually lowered, until in the year 1857 , 
every man, regardless of what property he had, 
was permitted to vote. 





PROBABILITIES 


125 


The election system has been in use in England 
since that time, for the members of the House of 
Commons. The House of Lords isn’t elected. The 
Lords inherit the position. And that is called a 
Democracy! There is agitation to abolish the 
House of Lords. Then, will come agitation to 
have a drawing for members of the House of 
Commons. And it will be done, unless the Bol¬ 
shevist takes hold of the government. He will be 
for no drawing. 

In the State of Minnesota we have progressed 
so far that members of the legislature are desig¬ 
nated as non-partisan, meaning that they become 
candidates as members of no party, run on no 
party platform. Each runs for himself and makes 
any promise that he thinks will get him votes. 

So, you see. Average, in Minnesota we are very 
close to Drawn Democracy, as, since, the candi¬ 
dates run on no particular platform, there really 
can be no other reason for holding elections for 
them, except it be, to give the man who has the 
time to spare and money to spend, the place; in 
other words, to give the politician the place. Of 
course, some may think that election brings them 
a better class of men than a drawing would. But 
if they will take time to look over the legislature 
that election does bring, and then consider what a 
drawing, had from men within the qualifications 
I have outlined, would bring, they will readily see 
that a drawing would bring a legislature com¬ 
posed of better posted men, on the whole, men 
under no obligation to The Interests, and a legis¬ 
lature really representative of the people. 

Oh! Yes, Average, Drawn Democracy will come. 




126 


BUNKOED 5 ’ GOSH 


and it is going to come soon. It came in Athens 
when that had reached about the same stage of 
affairs as we have. It all depends upon the voter 
out in the little voting precinct. If hedl get to 
work it will come so quickly as to surprise every¬ 
one. 

It will come first in some city, or some state. 
Then it will spread to other cities and other states, 
until, finally, every man in congress will have 
been drawn. Then, it will begin to spread to other 
countries; and it may be, that soon, the Bolshe¬ 
vists will be deporting from Eussia radicals who 
are agitating for Drawn Democracy. All forms 
of government are intolerant of a better. 

The most backward countries can use Drawn 
Democracy, because the educational qualification 
will bar the ignorant, and so it would only be for 
that World Government, that will come when 
Drawn Democracy prevails generally, to see that 
the ignorant in every backward nation are given 
an equal chance to become educated, so that they 
may protect their own interests by taking part 
in their governments. Get ready to rub your eyes. 
Average; there is going to be a square deal. 

Won’t the Constitution have to be amended to 
put Drawn Democracy into effect? 

Yes, Average, the State Constitution will have 
to be amended. In Minnesota the legislature will 
have to propose the amendment by a majority 
vote, and then it will have to be submitted to the 
voters at the next election, where it must receive 
a majoriy of all the votes cast at that election, 
on any matter—a majority of all voting, whether 
they vote on the proposed amendment or not. 




PROCEDURE 


127 


What is the first thing that will have to be done 
to get Drawn Democracy? 

The first thing necessary to be done to get 
Drawn Democracy is to let all the people know 
about it, and to have it fully explained to them. 

There will have to be a party formed? And a 
lot of speakers hired? 

No, Average, it is not necessary to have any 
party formed. The word, party. Average, comes 
from the word, part, and a party is formed for the 
purpose of getting the power of government into 
the hands of a part of the people to be exercised 
for the exclusive benefit of those who belong to 
that part. 

That is the theory of it, but the fact is, that 
party government results in placing the govern¬ 
mental power in the hands of the leaders of a part 
of the people. The leaders need money to carry 
on the never-ending contest. Rich Mann has the 
money. He furnishes the money. And the lead¬ 
ers reward him for furnishing it, at your expense, 
by letting Rich Mann plunder you, Average. 

No party is needed to put through Drawn 
Democracy, for the purpose of Drawn Democracy 
is to place the power of government in the hands 
of the whole people, not in the hands of a part of 
the people, to the exclusion of the other parts. 

After the people has learnt about Drawn 
Democracy and has come to understand it, there 
remains only to send to the legislature men who 
are for having a drawn legislature instead of an 
elected one. All the rest will come. 

And as for the matter of hiring a lot of speak¬ 
ers, that is not necessary either. Drawn Democ- 




128 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


racy can be put through for the whole state at an 
expense of no more than fifty or seventy-five dol¬ 
lars for each voting precinct, at the most. 

If a book were written on the subject and copies 
enough circulated in each voting precinct of the 
state so that all would have opportunity to read it 
and discuss it, there is no question whatever, 
Average, that the great majority would be for it. 

Have I talked to many about Drawn Democ¬ 
racy? 

Yes, Average, I have talked to hundreds. 

And what do they say about it ? 

Why, Average, nearly everyone says it would 
be a good thing if we could only get it, but many 
say they don’t see how it ever could be done, since 
it is not likely that any rich men will furnish 
money necessary to spread the idea. 

I am sure. Average, that among those to whom 
I have explained it, there are more than ninety 
in a hundred for it; and I have explained it to ail 
kinds; farmers, lawyers, doctors, real estate men, 
travelling men, working men, and most every 
class. 

Who will be against it? 

Well, of course, Average, you will understand 
that the men who are now supreme in the govern¬ 
ment, the money power that really dominates 
every government everywhere, wdll be dead 
against it at all times. 

And at that. Drawn Democracy is in their favor, 
Average, if they could only see it. They now have 
control. They can’t hope to keep it forever. For, 
‘Hhe worm will turn.” When they lose control, 
another class will take control, a class that will 





LEADERS 


129 


take hold with blood in its eye, hatred in its heart, 
and revenge in its mind. Then, there will be no 
justice for Rich Mann. Election compells him to 
hang on to control of the government, for, in the 
contest of election a class must either win or lose; 
there is no half way. And woe to the loser! 

But, generally, those in control of governments 
never did have sense enough to see the handwrit¬ 
ing on the wall. They have always waited until 
it was too late, and they always will wait until 
it is too late. They will be against Drawn Democ¬ 
racy. 

And besides that class. Average, there will be 
the leaders, leaders of all classes. The business of 
leaders is to lead; the business of all the rest, to 
follow. Thus, the world is divided into two 
camps: leaders, and followers. The leaders rule: 
the followers are ruled. Rulers never wish to 
surrender their power. The leaders will be 
against doing so. They, too, will be against 
Drawn Democracy. 

But never mind the leaders. Average. They 
are of no real good anyway. Look at the leaders 
who went to Europe! 

Certain real estate transactions were to take 
place over there, and, instead of sending men who 
had had experience in the real estate business, 
men were sent who had spent their lives in other 
occupations. And look at what we got! Nothing! 
And look at China, our friend; look at what it got! 
Skinned! 

And then look at the contract that was drawn 
up for us to sign! There was nobody who could 
tell what it meant! If you hired a lawyer, Aver- 




130 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


age, to draw up a contract, and lie should draw 
it in such a way that the smartest of lawyers 
couldn^t agree as to what it did mean, should 
draw it in such a way that there was bound to be 
a dispute in regard to what it did mean; you 
wouldn^t ever go back to that lawyer again, unless 
it were to tell him what you thought of him. And 
yet that is the way the contract was drawn over 
in Europe, and your leaders helped draw it up. 
There should have been over there just a few 
country lawyers, men who know how to draw up 
real estate contracts. 

And then, your leaders came back from Europe, 
and brought a contract all ready to be signed 
without any i’s to be dotted, or t’s to be crossed. 
Was it the contract that the leaders took over 
there to be signed? No. Those fellows over there 
wouldnT sign that. Well let’s see the one that you 
took over. We want to know what it was that 
those fellows wouldn’t sign, so we can see how it 
differs from this that they did sign. No, you 
couldn’t see that. Why? Why, that would have 
exposed your leaders’ hands—would have shown 
what a failure they did make. 

And then the contract—partnership contract 
between the peoples of the world—league of 
nations treaty. Each people one vote, Average. 
Hundred and Ten Million Americans, one vote. 
Fifty Million Englishmen, Fifty Million French¬ 
men, Fifty Million Japanese. Thirty Million Ital¬ 
ians, all, one vote each. And so, Average, you are 
to count just half as much as an Englishman, a 
Frenchman, or a Japanese; and one-third as much 
as an Italian. It didn’t take a very astute trader 





LEADERS 


131 


to trade two Americans off for one Japanese, 
did it, Average ? 

That is in the executive council. In the assem¬ 
bly you ^11 count for one-thirty-third as much as a 
Canadian, Average. Most anyone could have 
made that kind of a deal, Average. Most any 
farmer would have known enough not to. 

Most any business man. Average, any salesman, 
would have known that if America was to make a 
contract with those peoples, the way to do it was 
to draw up a fair contract, and one that suited us; 
and then when they were squealing with their 
‘‘Backs to the wall,’’ calling on us for help, to 
present to them the contract, show them the dotted 
lines for their signatures, and say, “After you 
have signed up, we’ll be over to help you.” In 
any fair deal. Average, we are entitled to one 
hundred and ten votes, as against fifty for the 
English, the French, and the Japanese; and as 
against thirty for the Italians, and three for the 
Canadians. 

When the cattle men of the range assemble in 
convention. Average, each cattle man has one 
vote. It doesn’t make any difference how many 
cattle he has. The cattle have nothing to do with it. 
The cattle man is not representing the cattle. 
And so, in Europe, when the powers assembled 
each was to have one vote. It didn’t make any 
difference how many people were under each 
power. The people didn’t count; it was the 
power. The people were not being represented. 
The powers were transacting business, their busi¬ 
ness, not the people’s, and one power, one vote, 
of course. 




132 


BUNKOED GOSH 


And that’s only some of the leadership for you, 
Average. Look at the leadership the coal miners 
had in Illinois. In 1917, when the war broke out, 
those leaders agreed with the government that 
the miners would continue to mine coal at the 
wage then set, so long as the war should last! 
And the cost of living went right on going up! 
If the war had continued long enough, it might 
have gone up so high, that the miner’s whole 
day’s wages wouldn’t buy him breakfast. But 
that is what the leaders agreed to do for them. 
And the miners paid those leaders well. 

Why, Average, if those miners had employed 
most any country lawyer to represent them they 
would have been much better taken care of. 

The country lawyer would have said to the gov¬ 
ernment and the mine operators, ‘‘Let’s see, you 
agree that fifty cents per ton is the proper wage 
for the miner today! Yes. And coal is selling at 
one dollar at the mouth of the mine? Yes. Well, 
then is it your agreement that the miner is to get 
fifty per cent of what the coal sells for at the 
mouth of the mine? Oh! No. No. He is to get 
fifty cents. It won’t make any difference what 
the coal sells for. Well, gentlemen, the cost of liv¬ 
ing goes up for the miner as coal goes up in price 
at the mouth of the mine. We want; those miners 
want, fifty per cent of what the coal sells for at 
the mouth of the mine. We’ll settle that way. 
We won’t settle any other way. We’ll sign up for 
the length of the war on that basis. Not, other¬ 
wise.” 

Average, that lawyer would have got that for 
those miners, and those miners could have rested 




LEADERS 


133 


secure. They never would have had to strike. 
That whole coal strike, that caused so much 
trouble, would have been avoided. 

And, Average, consider the horse that labors 
for man. He gets a certain amount of hay and a 
certain amount of grain. His wages, measured 
in dollars and cents, went up during the war just 
as the cost of living went up; and they will go 
down just as the cost of living goes down. Auto¬ 
matic adjustment. 

The labor leaders, after all their years of lead¬ 
ing, after all the strikes, and all the dues collected, 
haven T been able to take care of their followers, 
in the matter of adjustment of wages, so well as 
the horse is taken care of in that respect! 

If those leaders, in making a settlement should 
say: ‘^You agree to pay the men fifty cents per 
hour? Yes. Well, you know the cost of living is 
subject to fluctuation, and that may make it neces¬ 
sary to make another settlement in a month or 
two. Tell you what we’ll do. Fifty cents buys 
today five pounds of wheat, five pounds of oats, 
five pounds of rye, five pounds of corn, and five 
pounds of barley. We have been looking it up, 
and we find that the prices of the necessaries of 
life, that is the average price, goes up and down 
as the average price of those five grains does. So 
the cost of living goes up and down as the average 
price of those five grains does. We will agree 
with you that you must pay your men the value 
of that amount of grain for each hour’s work. 
When pay-day comes round, we’ll figure up what 
the grain comes to on the market, and you can 
then pay it in cash at the market price.” 




134 


BUNKOED 5 ’ GOSH 


Those leaders could get that, Average, if they 
went after it. And the working man’s wages 
would always he adjusted to the cost of living. 
Strikes on that score would be avoided. But there 
wouldn’t be so much need of leaders. Average, 
after that. 

Such is leadership for you. Average, every¬ 
where. Leaders are interested in leading, not in 
settling. When a thing is settled^ there is no 
more leading to be done. Leaders want no per¬ 
manent settlements. Drawn Democracy will put 
leaders out of business. Of course they won’t 
want to go out of business. They will be against 
Drawn Democracy. 

Pay no attention to your leaders. Average. 
Stand up on your hind legs like a man, look your 
leaders in the eyes, and say to them: ‘^I’m not 
going to follow you any more; and I don’t ask you 
to follow me. I’m going this way. If you are 
going that way, too, we can go together. ’ ’ 

Why don’t I write a book about Drawn Democ¬ 
racy? 

Well, Average, books are more easily written 
than distributed. It costs money to write books: 
paper and wages are high. Such a book would 
cost two or three times what it should cost ordi¬ 
narily. And then, there is the question of dis¬ 
tributing it. 

The usual channels, through booksellers and 
newsdealers, is closed to such a book. For, if the 
bookseller or newsdealer puts the book on sale, it 
is not long until there comes some important 
gentleman, who wants to hear nothing about 




DIFFICULTIES 


135 


changes in the government. He is doing very well 
as it is; so why change ? 

And this important gentleman, very much 
annoyed, blurts to the dealer, ‘‘What are you 
doing? Peddling Bolshevik stuff here?’’ And 
the dealer, not anxious to cause otfense to any of 
his patrons, lays the book away where it is not 
seen again. He doesn’t want to be classed as a 
radical, after the way he has heard the radical 
condemned. And, anyway, maybe his customers 
won’t like the book, either. 

So, it is good business for the dealer to put the 
book away. New ideas in regard to governmeni 
are looked upon with suspicion, though none is 
afraid of new ideas on any other subject. So you 
see. Average, it would be quite a problem to get 
the book distributed. Newspapers will say noth¬ 
ing about it—they are not going to advertise it. 
It might hurt their business, wdth their adver¬ 
tisers. 

Couldn’t I get book agents to sell the book? 

I hardly thing so. Average. The price of the 
book will be so low that a book-agent couldn’t sell 
it fast enough to make wages in these times, even 
if he sold to every man to whom he talked. 

There is only one way that occurs to me. Aver¬ 
age. I could get the book printed. Then adver¬ 
tise it in some papers and by that way get some 
out around. Probably, I could not get enough out 
that way to be even, after paying for the hook, 
the advertising, and postage, to say nothing of my 
work. But if those who had read the book would 
then become active, send in and get a half dozen 
or a dozen of them for their voting precinct, and, 




136 


BUNKOED F GOSH 


either sell them or lend them—distribute them in 
some way—around the precinct, soon, everybody 
in that precinct would be for it, or at least the 
great majority. Most everybody is for it when 
it is explained to them. 

One man could take one book, and call a meet¬ 
ing of a few of his neighbors and read it to them, 
if nothing else. Or, a man can study it up a little 
while and make a talk himself. There is no argu¬ 
ment against it, and only an ignorant man will try 
to argue against it. Eidicule is the only hope ot 
those who may be opposed to it. And ridicule is 
only good argument with blind followers. 

If something like what I have outlined were 
done in each precinct, it would only be a little 
time until the whole state would be for it. All 
would know all about it: ninety per cent would be 
for it. 

You think it would be a good thing if it could 
be done? 

That^s good. Average, I kind of thought you 
would, at least, see that it is perfectly fair to 
everyone, that it will result in injustice to no one, 
even if you didnT see right away how absolutely 
unfair election is, and the great injustice that has 
resulted to you from employing it to get a gov¬ 
ernment. 

Well now. Average, I will tell you of a plan that 
I have formed. Drawn Democracy doesnT put me 
any further ahead than it does you, or that other 
man out in the voting precinct. It just gives us 
all an equal chance. And I haven T much money 
that I can afford to spend. The war didn’t help 
me any: it hurt. 




THE PLAN 


137 


I have planned to write the book, and also to 
volunteer to act as a sort of get-together-secretary 
for everybody, everywhere, wdio may want Drawn 
Democracy well enough to do just a little work 
for it. 

I will want men in each precinct to send in their 
names, their post-office addresses, and the name of 
their voting precincts, together with a small con¬ 
tribution—anywhere from One to Ten Dollars— 
enough so that I can afford to do the work as it 
should be done, pay clerk hire, office expense, rent, 
postage, and so on. I’ll file these names accord 
ing to precincts, counties and state. I’ll act as 
corresponding secretary for the purpose of fur¬ 
thering the work of spreading the idea every¬ 
where; and will inform men in one precinct, of 
men in other near precincts who are working, so 
that they may co-operate, and will also inform 
them of precincts where some work is necessary 
to be done in order to make a start. Of course it 
will require quite a bit of correspondence, and I 
must have funds in order to attend to all that 
properly. 

In any voting precinct, one man may get to¬ 
gether two or three of his fellows of the precinct, 
and kind of form a little organization. We may 
call the members, those who believe in Drawn 
Democracy, ^‘Drafters,” as that would seem 
appropriate, and it will distinguish them from 
those having the ‘‘G” in their names. Thus, all 
one will will have to do is to ask a man if he is a 

Drafter,” and if he doesn’t know the latest news, 
explain to him, or better yet, get him to buy a 




138 


BUNKOED B’ GOSH 


book, so be can have it right before him, to read 
and study whenever he feels like it. 

One, interested in the idea, might get a dozen 
books, or so; leave them around with his neigh¬ 
bors, tell them to read the book, and, after reading 
it, to either pay for it, or return it. 

In that way it won’t be long until that precinct 
is pretty well informed, and information is all 
that the voter needs. And, what will be going on 
in one precinct, will be going on in all the other 
precincts, until all the precincts in that legislative 
district have organized and have written in, so 
that I have a record of the secretaries of each 
precinct. 

I’ll then cause notice to be sent to the secretary 
of each precinct, of a convention called for the 
whole legislative district. This convention will 
organize and choose a secretary, so that there¬ 
after all my correspondence for that legislative 
district will be with that secretary, and he will do 
the rest. And the same thing will be going on in 
every legislative district in the state. 

These legislative conventions will choose, or 
endorse, suitable men, who are for Drawn Democ¬ 
racy, to be candidates. And, believe me. Average, 
those men will go in with a whoop. 

The success of that whole plan will depend upon 
the voter out in the precinct. If he works fast it 
will go fast. There is no question that it will go. 
I’ll attend to getting the precincts together. 
After that the legislative convention will do all 
the rest. There will be no boss, and no leader. 
I’ll act as an assistant to the man out in the pre¬ 
cinct who will be gathering them in. 




A SELF STARTER 


139 


To get Drawn Democracy it is only needed that 
there be in each precinct a man who is a self 
starter, one who doesn’t need to be cranked, one 
who can go without a leader, one who prefers to 
do his own thinking, and not to let another do it 
for him. With a self-starter in each precinct we 
shall soon, surprisingly soon, have self-deter¬ 
mination, Drawn Democracy. And don’t forget. 
Average Mann, Drawn Democracy means only 
that there shall be a drawing to get a lawmaking 
body. A man who is for any kind of a drawing 
will be a ‘‘Drafter.” We will fill the legislature 
full of “Drafters” and then we will get Drawn 
Democracy. You, Average Mann, will have to get 
busy in your precinct. If you will do that all the 
rest will come. Justice will prevail throughout 
the land, throughout the World. Get to work for 

your own good.” 

###**** 

That, Deader, is what I would say to Average 
Mann if I could meet him, with questions he might 
ask, and that is what I would say to you. But that 
Average Mann is a hard man to meet. He is very 
elusive. You may meet thousands of men but not 
one of them will be the average man. Average 
Mann. 

Suppose all the people should get together, the 
average man would be there. Suppose you wish 
to get the opinion of the average man on any 
matter, you will have to get the opinion of the 
people, and that will be the opinion of the average 
man. Whatever answer is made by the people is 
also the answer of the average man. And when 
you say, “The people is for this,” that means. 




140 


BUNKOED GOSH 


also, that the average man is for it. And if you 
say, ^ ‘ The average man is for that, ^ ^ that means, 
also, that the people is for that. 

So, when the people get together, all the people, 
you have the average man, and also the people. 
You canT get the average man otherwise. And 
the people and the average man are always of the 
same opinion. That is so well known that it is 
only necessary to consult either one and you have 
the opinion of the other. The two are very close 
it seems, doesnT? 

Close? Why, the people and the average man, 
is one and the same, only thought of in a different 
way: like man, and men. Just as the molecule of 
iron—the smallest possible division of iron—and 
iron are one and the same thing, only thought of 
in a different way. Whatever the molecule will 
do, however it will act, so will iron act, for the 
molecule is iron, and iron is a collection of mole¬ 
cules. 

And now, you know, Eeader, that the purpose in 
electing lawmakers is to get the best man, only, 
and thus to reject or exclude the average man, 
always. The average man is to be kept out. Now 
you canT keep the molecule of iron out of your 
drinking water without keeping iron out; and, you 
canT keep iron out of your drinking water with¬ 
out keeping the molecule out. If you keep one out, 
you keep the other out. And it is just that way 
with the average man, and the people. You canT 
keep the people out of congress without keeping 
the average man out; and you canT keep the aver¬ 
age man out of congress without keeping the peo¬ 
ple out. So, you see, election, for the purpose of 




THE STEAM ROLLER 


141 


keeping the average man out of the government, 
is also for the purpose of keeping the people out of 
the government. 

We have been trying to get a government by 
the people, and we have been using a method that 
is for the express purpose of keeping the people 
out of that government. We might just as well 
have tried to carry water in a sieve. Election is 
for a purpose just the opposite to that for which 
we have been using it. And that is the way the 
people has always been Bunkoed B ’ Gosh! Drawn 
Democracy will let the people into congress, into 
the government, in turn. Thus, will come, govern¬ 
ment by the people, of the people, and for the 
people. An ideal realized! 

Now, Reader, I have written the book; you have 
read it, and you know what the plan is. I volun¬ 
teer to act as get-together-secretary for every¬ 
body, everywhere. What are you going to do! 
Will you take a stand for the Golden Rule, or for 
the Rule of Gold ? ‘ ^ Those not with us are against 
us.’^ 

If you are with us, do something. If you are 
against us, carry the message to your MASTER 
to get out of the way. For, there is coming the 
GREATEST STEAM ROLLER the WORLD 
HAS EVER KNOWN. And, no POWER on 
EARTH can stop it! We are tired of being 
BUNKOED B’ GOSH! 

At your service, 

THOMAS KEEFE. 
Dated December 1st, 1920. 




. Bunkoed B’Gosh! will be sent PREPAID on receipt of payment, 
as follows: 

Single copies .$1.00 Half dozen copies.$5.50 

One dozen copies.$10.50 

Send aU orders and make all payments to Thomas Keefe. Ad¬ 
dress 342 Endicott Bldg., St. Paul, Minn. 














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